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some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. lgdJ
I live in Indonesia, there are several cities that have their respective regional songs. Although, many people say that music is half a person life and I think this statement cannot be denied and the reality is like that. So, we can say that in some cities music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages. Music is an art form which is enjoyable by all, and this helps reduce the generation and age among people. For example, when the Indonesia Raya song is played, childs, adults, and elders all tune to the same emotion, which is patriotism, and I think our unity is stronger than ever. In the same case can be said when music awaken other emotions like sadness, love and angry. Besides, many music categories are loved by all, and the listeners feel togetherness in a goodway. Nowadays, music is a bestfriend when we bored or when we feel sad though because, music can make our mood back again and we can feel better than before and I think that music can improve our skill in bahasa or english language sometime. Besides, people say if they repeat the same song they will feel bored sometimes. In result, music is one of the art that are accepted in all countries and most of people like it. So, we can say that music are the best way when our emotions are out of our control, and maybe the music will be good if we listen to the music genre we love it.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Indonesia, there are several cities that have their respective regional songs. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is half a person life and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this statement cannot
be denied
and the reality is like that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we can say that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "cities'" or "city's"?
cities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way of bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and ages.

Music is an art form which is enjoyable by all, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the generation and age among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, when the Indonesia
Possible spelling mistake found.
Raya
song
is played
,
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "children", the plural form of the noun 'child'?
childs
, adults, and elders all tune to the same emotion, which is patriotism, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
our unity is stronger than ever. In the same case can
be said
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "awakens".
awaken
other emotions like sadness,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and angry.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
categories are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
by all, and the listeners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
togetherness in a
Possible spelling mistake found.
goodway
.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
Possible spelling mistake found.
bestfriend
when we bored or when we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
sad though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our mood back
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
again and
we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
better than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
bahasa
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
english
language sometime.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say if they repeat the same song they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
bored
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.

In result,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the art that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in all countries and most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are the best way when our emotions are out of our control, and maybe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
if we listen to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
genre we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
it.
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IELTS essay some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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