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some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. Gjy2
Music has been invented by some people dozens of year ago. Some people are used to listening music to get rid of stress. In 19th century, many bands had performed their musics to the worldwide, such as The Beatles, Queen, Iris, and Aerosmith. Some of them was dead years ago. Music also accompany us while we do some activities. The rythm from music also has their own charasteristics, especially the place where I come from. In my area, what characterizes the music in my area, namely angklung, suling, and gendand. It is known as how subtle the sound from it. In my country, the music has its own characteristics. Bandung has the angklung, Java has the gendang, Papua has tifa, and Jakarta has rebana. When those musics are playing, we can directly know where the music come from. It means that music can bring people of different cultures. The people in West Java who listen to traditional musics are usually adults. We can conclude that traditional culture in West Java has almost disappeared. A lot of people have known technology. They also used to listen to western musics. Although, the culture from the ancestors has always passed down from generation to generation and we abandon it. Nevertheless, music also bring expression for people who listen to the music. For instance if you are being happy, you will listen to the music which has a higher rythm. If you are being sad, you will listen to the music with slower rythm. Musics also can determine the age of those who listen it. Musics can distract you from negative mindset and you will turn the negative side into positive side. Thus, I agree with the statement. Musics can bring people in different cultures and determine the ages. Don't forget to listen a music!
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has
been invented
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dozens of year ago.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to listening
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music
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. In 19th century,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
bands had performed their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
to the worldwide, such as The Beatles, Queen, Iris, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aerosmith
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them was dead years ago.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
also
accompany us while we do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
rythm
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
also
has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake found.
charasteristics
,
especially
the place where I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from. In my area, what characterizes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in my area,
namely
Possible spelling mistake found.
angklung
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
suling
, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
gendand
. It
is known
as how subtle the sound from it.

In my country, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
characteristics. Bandung has the
Possible spelling mistake found.
angklung
, Java has the
Possible spelling mistake found.
gendang
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Papua
has
Possible spelling mistake found.
tifa
, and Jakarta has
Possible spelling mistake found.
rebana
. When those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
are playing, we can
directly
know where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from. It means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can bring
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people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in West Java who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
are
usually
adults. We can conclude that traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in West Java has almost disappeared.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have known technology. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
. Although, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
from the ancestors has always passed down from generation to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
generation and
we abandon it.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
also
bring expression for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
For instance
if you are being happy, you will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which has a higher
Possible spelling mistake found.
rythm
. If you are being sad, you will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
with slower
Possible spelling mistake found.
rythm
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Musics
also
can determine the age of those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Musics
can distract you from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
mindset and you will turn the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side.

Thus
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Musics
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and determine the ages. Don't forget to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
!
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IELTS essay some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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