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some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. 0eg9
Numerous people believe that music can be a good solution to connect with people from various cultures and ages. However, there are also several people that have a various opinion about this. This essay will provide evidences as well as my own prospective to how far do I agree or disagree with this issue. For fact, people can like music from diverse genres like jazz, pop, rock, country, etc. a number of people like ancient music while lots of people do not. This can be a starting point for us to see things in others prospective. Let us take a look at Korean pop music that is recently has been popular worldwide and is liked by numerous numbers of people regardless of their ages and cultures. To the non korean citizens, they still can enjoy the music even if they have various cultures and do not understand korean. Another example is people that love 90's music although they were born in different generations, like me and my mom. To me, I like 90's music because it has good lyrics and beats. However, to my mom, it could be nostalgic to her as she listened to that music in her teenage years. Nonetheless, I do agree that music can also separate people as there are music that can come as offensive to certain people. For instance, korean singer and rapper named CL made a song called MTBD back in 2014 and she was under fire due to the fact there is an Al-Quran verse from surah An-Naba as a back sound in her song. Many Muslims were raged and demanded CL's a clarification. She was then apologized and stated that she would remove the Al-Quran verse and change it to another sound while decided to educate herself more to prevent this problem to happen again. After this issue, majority of people have forgiven her on the contrary there were abundance of them that still in rage and even go as far as hating Korean pop and Korean in general. To summarize this, I do agree that music can bring people together. However, musicians should consider whether their music may offend a number of cultures or not. We also must respect other taste of music and should not force anyone to like your favorite music consequently that we could enjoy music as it is.
Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solution to connect with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and ages.
However
, there are
also
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that have a various opinion about this. This essay will provide evidences
as well
as my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
prospective to how far do I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree with this issue.

For fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from diverse genres like jazz, pop, rock, country, etc. a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
while lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not. This can be a starting point for us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
things in others prospective.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us take a look at Korean pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that is
recently has been popular worldwide and
is liked
by numerous numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regardless of their ages and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. To the non
Possible spelling mistake found.
korean
citizens, they
still
can enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
even if they have various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and do not understand
Possible spelling mistake found.
korean
. Another example is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "90s".
90's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
although they
were born
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
generations, like me and my mom. To me, I like
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "90s".
90's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lyrics and beats.
However
, to my mom, it could be nostalgic to her as she listened to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in her teenage years. Nonetheless, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
also
separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
as offensive to certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
korean
singer and rapper named CL made a song called
Possible spelling mistake found.
MTBD
back in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
2014 and
she was under fire due to the fact there is an Al-Quran verse from surah
Possible spelling mistake found.
An-Naba
as a back sound in her song.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Muslims
were raged
and demanded CL's a clarification. She was then apologized and stated that she would remove the Al-Quran verse and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
it to another sound while decided to educate herself more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this problem to happen again. After this issue, majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have forgiven her
on the contrary
there were abundance of them that
still
in rage and even go as far as hating Korean pop and Korean
in general
.

To summarize
this, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together.
However
, musicians should consider whether their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
may offend a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
or not. We
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
respect other taste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and should not force anyone to like your favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
consequently
that we could enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as it is.
What do you think?
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IELTS essay some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
392 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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