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Some people say full time students should spend most of time studying; others believe that they should do other activities as well.To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Some people say full time students should spend most of time studying; others believe that they should do other activities as well. n613n
The differences between nations in terms of their lifestyle, food habit, fashion, choices and traditions have already reduced to a great extent with the effects of globalisation, technology and international agreements for open trade facilities. Since most of the international products are easily accessible globally, people have far more choices and freedom which have enhanced people's lifestyle besides narrowing the gaps among nations. I postulate this trend a positive development and the reasons are explained in this essay. To begin with, the availability of international brands like Apple, Google, Nike, Pepsi, Johnson's, Samsung, Amazon, Toyota etc. in a country enables consumers to purchase quality products. For instance, someone in India can use the same technological products from Intel and Microsoft that an American uses and it facilitates reducing gaps between these two countries. 'Barrier & gaps' among nations was a predominant reason for conflicts and with the advancement of the technology and mutual trade agreements, nations are aware of the foreign cultures more than they did ever before. This diminishes the world tension and helps prevail the peace. Furthermore, affluent countries have created a vast market for the consumer products and this has helped them establish offshore offices and factories in developing nations. This is a mutually beneficial agreement that helps both parties. Furthermore, local consumers are not trapped with the low-quality local products and a wider freedom lets them enjoy a better lifestyle. With the competition, local manufacturers are forced to produce quality products at a competitive price. With this development, some local companies have gained international recognition as a manufacturer. To conclude, the concept of boundaries and countries divides nations and create the master-slave relationship as we have already witnessed in the history. The present era has plummeted this heinous trend to a great extent and the similar lifestyle and availability of international products have helped this to happen.
The differences between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in terms of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, food habit, fashion, choices and traditions have already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to a great extent with the effects of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
agreements for open trade facilities. Since most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
easily
accessible globally,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have far more choices and freedom which have enhanced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
besides
narrowing the gaps among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. I postulate this trend a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development and the reasons are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
brands like Apple, Google, Nike, Pepsi, Johnson's, Samsung, Amazon, Toyota etc. in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
enables consumers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For instance
, someone in India can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the same technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from Intel and Microsoft that an American
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
and it facilitates reducing gaps between these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. 'Barrier & gaps' among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
was a predominant reason for conflicts and with the advancement of the technology and mutual trade agreements,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are aware of the foreign cultures more than they did ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This diminishes the world tension and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
prevail the peace.
Furthermore
, affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have created a vast market for the consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them establish offshore offices and factories in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. This is a
mutually
beneficial agreement that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
both parties.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
consumers are not trapped with the low-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and a wider freedom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
them enjoy a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. With the competition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
manufacturers
are forced
to produce quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
at a competitive price. With this development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have gained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
recognition as a manufacturer.

To conclude
, the concept of boundaries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
divides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and create the master-slave relationship as we have already witnessed in the history. The present era has plummeted this heinous trend to a great extent and the similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
this to happen.
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Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some people say full time students should spend most of time studying; others believe that they should do other activities as well.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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