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Some people said we hardly balance the time that we spend for career and family. If you have to choose one side, which one would you choose? Give your opinions and supported answer.

Some people said we hardly balance the time that we spend for career and family. If you have to choose one side, which one would you choose? Give your opinions and supported answer. Bamyw
Nowadays, almost people have busy lifestyle, just spend their time with their works. Some people said we hardly balance the time that we spend for career and family. In fact, if have to choose between have a successful career and a happy family life, I will choose to have a happy life with my family. The main purpose when I grow up is to take care of my parents, spend time with them to make them have comfortable time. I know the thing they want is the amount of time I stand by them, not the amount of money I give them. Secondly, when we get a job and make money, we want to improve quality of life that mean make our life better and more comfortable. If we have a successful career but when we go home where isn’t any happiness, it will be against our purpose. Last but not least, if you have children, you must spend your time with them. Children that involve in social evils become more common. For example, we can see a lot of articles on the Internet about teenager that can be under 13 years old are participating in many lousy activities such as swearing, fighting, gambling, using stimulants, etc. One of the reason is because family, parents are so busy with their works, can not teach their children carefully or in cases that children live in the negative family. In my view, it is difficult to find who is live in unhappy family but can be successful in their career because if there aren’t any cozy place for them when they return home after tiring works, they will don’t have motivation to work and can’t try their best in their career. In conclusion, I believe that when you have a happy family life, you can focus on your career and successful. Successful career is not the only key to have a happy family but it is one of important factors that make your life better, so try to balance between family and career as you can.
Nowadays, almost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have busy lifestyle,
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just
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spend
their
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time
with their works.
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Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
said we hardly balance the
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time
that we
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spend
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In fact, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose between have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, I will choose to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with my family.

The main purpose when I grow up is to take care of my parents,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them have comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I know the thing they want is the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I stand by them, not the amount of money I give them.

Secondly
, when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
money, we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that mean
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make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
better and more comfortable. If we have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when we go home where isn’t any happiness, it will be against our purpose. Last
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but
not least, if you have
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children
, you
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must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them.
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Children
that involve in social evils become more common.
For example
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
articles on the Internet about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
that can be under 13 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
are participating in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
lousy activities such as swearing, fighting, gambling, using stimulants, etc. One of the reason is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, parents are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy with their works, can not teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
carefully
or in cases that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
family.

In my view, it is difficult to find who is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in unhappy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if there aren’t any cozy place for them when they return home after tiring works, they will don’t have motivation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and can’t try their best in their career.

In conclusion
, I believe that when you have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, you can focus on your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
key to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is one of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
better,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
try to balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
as you can.
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IELTS essay Some people said we hardly balance the time that we spend for career and family. If you have to choose one side, which one would you choose? Give your opinions and supported answer.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
344 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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