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Some people prefer hobbies that require technology, whereas others prefer hobbies that do not require technology. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People usually spend their spare time by engaging themselves in leisure activities where some prefer to use technology. however believe that technology free hobbies are much better. Majority of the people these days uses gadgets such as mobile phone laptop etc in their free timings increase influence of online social media has indulged people to keep themselves busy with their mobile phones for instead of talking to each other they all take out their phones and open their whats app or intragram account and fell by doing this On the other hand their are still few people who prefer not using technology rather go for other option like reading books or going for walk in their spare time such activities refresh mind and body for example I feel more relax when I going outside to the park for feel fresh this is one the most energetic leisure activity which I believe people can do in their free time and get benefit as well Conclusion majority utilizes their free time by using technology there are still few people whi for old versions of the hobby which are far more better in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
usually
spend their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by engaging themselves in leisure activities where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
however
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
hobbies are much better. Majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
gadgets such as mobile phone laptop etc in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
timings increase influence of online social media has indulged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves busy with their mobile phones for
instead
of talking to each other they all take out their phones and open their whats app or intragram account and fell by doing this

On the other hand
their are
still
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who prefer not using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
rather
go for other option like reading books or going for walk in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
such activities refresh mind and body
for example
I feel more relax when I going outside to the park for feel fresh this is one the most energetic leisure activity which I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit
as well


Conclusion majority utilizes their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
there are
still
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whi for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
versions of the hobby which are far more better in my opinion
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IELTS essay Some people prefer hobbies that require technology, whereas others prefer hobbies that do not require technology.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
191 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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