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Some people participate in extreme and dangerous sports. What can be done to avoid danger? How could these sports be made safer?

Some people participate in extreme and dangerous sports. What can be done to avoid danger? How could these sports be made safer? 0am9Q
It is true that countless individuals are eager to participate in adventurous sports even though they are aware of the risks involved. There are various reasons for this; however, certain safety measures, if adopted and followed, can mitigate the dangers associated with these sports. To begin with, one of the predominant reasons for the popularity of some dangerous sports such as paragliding, bungee jumping and scuba diving is that people tend to take part in these sports to overcome and conquer their phobias and fears. Many people suffer from aquaphobia and acrophobia, and to free themselves from these fears, they indulge in some adventurous yet life-threatening sports. These sports, they believe, will boost their confidence and make them intrepid. To exemplify this, I was extremely afraid of heights but to overcome this fear, I did paragliding not only once but thrice in a row on the same day even though I was aware of the risks involved. I am no longer afraid of tall buildings and extreme heights. Moreover, people have thrilling and exhilarating experience after doing these sports. They feel more alive and younger. To mitigate the dangers involved in these sports, the most effective measure is to use proper safety gears and equipment such as harness, ropes and specialized clothing. Before doing the sport, the participants should be checked thoroughly to ensure that their specialized safety kit and gear is functioning properly. This practice, therefore, would reduce the risks involved. In addition to what has been mentioned, the specialists and experienced professionals should provide 1-2 days of training to interested participants to avoid any dangers. For example, before doing sky-diving, the professionals provide 2 days of coaching to the people who are going to take part in it. Moreover, participating in these hazardous sports must be avoided in extreme weather conditions, such as during rain and thunderstorms. In conclusion, from a quick analysis of the situation, it is quite evident that people are inclined towards precarious sports as it helps them to conquer their fears. Undoubtedly, the dangers associated with these sports can be significantly reduced by taking proper safety measures.
It is true that countless individuals are eager to participate in adventurous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
even though
they are aware of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
involved. There are various reasons for this;
however
, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
measures, if adopted and followed, can mitigate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangers
associated with these sports.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the predominant reasons for the popularity of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as paragliding, bungee jumping and scuba diving is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to overcome and conquer their phobias and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fears
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from
Possible spelling mistake found.
aquaphobia
and acrophobia, and to free themselves from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fears
, they indulge in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adventurous
yet
life-threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, they believe, will boost their confidence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them intrepid. To exemplify this, I was
extremely
afraid of heights
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to overcome this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fear
, I did paragliding not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
once
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
thrice in a row on the same day
even though
I was aware of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
involved. I am no longer afraid of tall buildings and extreme heights.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have thrilling and exhilarating experience after doing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. They feel more alive and younger.

To mitigate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangers
involved in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, the most effective measure is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
gears and equipment such as harness, ropes and specialized clothing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, the participants should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
thoroughly
to ensure that their specialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
kit and gear is functioning
properly
. This practice,
therefore
, would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
involved.
In addition
to what has
been mentioned
, the specialists and experienced professionals should provide 1-2 days of training to interested participants to avoid any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangers
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
doing sky-diving, the professionals provide 2 days of coaching to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in it.
Moreover
, participating in these hazardous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be avoided
in extreme weather conditions, such as during rain and thunderstorms.

In conclusion
, from a quick analysis of the situation, it is quite evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are inclined
towards precarious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to conquer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fears
.
Undoubtedly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangers
associated with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can be
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by taking proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
measures.
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IELTS essay Some people participate in extreme and dangerous sports. What can be done to avoid danger? How could these sports be made safer?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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