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Some people make choices that can influence to health

Some people make choices that can influence to health mLXAN
Person's choice can influence to their health or even to the rest of their life. Many health issues are connected to people's life selection. This essay will state that people make harmful choices, like smoking in order to feel relief then in this case will suggest to learn to share problems with someone. As mentioned above people want to alleviate issues by smoking. They believe by smoking their problems can vanish. However this type of people keen on keeping all their tension, emotions and problems inside. Moreover, by smoking they desire to release them outside but this choice make their health especially lungs to ache. A recent report of lifestyles. com announced that 67% of smokers got addicted to cigarettes in order to release inside issues. Despite the above arguments by talking to someone can help to avoid making wrong options. If a person is an introvert then their acquaintances have to make them to share their problems. By its nature introverts find of saving everything inside but communication with them can exempt from inside troubles. Furthermore it can prevent them from incorrect decision. In an interview with JK Rowling, she mentioned that she was going to commit suicide in the time of famine but the reader of her book "Harry Potter " changed her mind by talking to her. Now she is her close friend and assistant. To summarize frequently people make bad decisions that can affect to health in consideration to feel released from problems. Nevertheless by talking to a person can prevent them from inappropriate choice.
Person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
can influence to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
or even to the rest of their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues
are connected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life selection. This essay will state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in order to feel relief then
in this case
will
The verb 'suggest' is used with the gerund form: "suggest learning".
suggest to learn
to share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with someone.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
mentioned above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to alleviate issues by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. They believe by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can vanish.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
keen on keeping all their tension, emotions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inside
.
Moreover
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
they desire to release them outside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
especially
lungs to ache. A recent report of lifestyles.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
com
announced that 67% of smokers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
addicted to cigarettes in order to release
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inside
issues.

Despite the above arguments by talking to someone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to avoid making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
options. If a person is an introvert then their acquaintances
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them to share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. By its nature introverts find of saving everything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
communication with them can exempt from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inside
troubles.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from incorrect decision. In an interview with JK Rowling, she mentioned that she was going to commit suicide in the time of famine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the reader of her book
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Harry Potter
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
her mind by talking to her.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
she is her close friend and assistant.

To summarize
frequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
decisions that can affect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in consideration to feel released from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
by talking to a person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from inappropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
.

IELTS essay Some people make choices that can influence to health

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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