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Some people like to travel outside their country. Others would rather travel to tourist spots in their own country first, before travelling abroad. Which do you prefer to do and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice? v.3

Some people like to travel outside their country. Others would rather travel to tourist spots in their own country first, before travelling abroad. Which do you prefer to do and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice? v. 3
Travelling has become increasingly popular nowadays. Some people opt to spend their holiday abroad, while others choose to travel around their own country. For me, I would prefer to visit other countries than travelling to my own state. My preference in choosing other countries is based on a few underlying reasons. Firstly, travelling abroad offers a wide range of new activities. Some activities can be unique activities and travelers will never encounter them if they only travel locally. To illustrate, people can find ski sports easily in the region with 4 seasons while they cannot find it in a country with only 2 seasons. Secondly, not only does it provide more international exposures to the travelers, but it also allows them to obtain new skills such as learning a new language. Moreover, despite the pricey cost of international travelling, people can acquire more information about a new country by travelling to it. Consequently, people who have travelled to another country regularly will be more aware and understandable about cultural diversity. Finally, people who love to travel outside their country have a broaden knowledge about cultures and differences. Therefore, with such experiences, people can boost their creativity and in the long term this growing creative ability can affect not only the personal life but also the work life. For instance, when they face uncertain problems during their work life, they will come up with more possible angles compared to those who never experience travel internationally. To conclude, having considered the above arguments, I am firmly convinced that travelling abroad is far more beneficial than travelling locally. With travelling internationally, people can experience a number of different outdoor and indoor activities, acquiring new skills and will be a great decision maker.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Travelling
has become
increasingly
popular nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt to spend their holiday abroad, while others choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
around their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. For me, I would prefer to visit other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
state.

My preference in choosing other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is based
on a few underlying reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
abroad offers a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can be unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and travelers will never encounter them if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
locally
. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can find ski sports
easily
in the region with 4 seasons while they cannot find it in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
2 seasons.
Secondly
, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
does it provide more international exposures to the travelers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
language.
Moreover
, despite the pricey cost of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can acquire more information about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to it.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have travelled to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
regularly
will be more aware and understandable about cultural diversity.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
outside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
have
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'broaden' is correct. If 'broaden' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a broaden
knowledge about cultures and differences.
Therefore
, with such experiences,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can boost their creativity and in the long term this growing creative ability can affect not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the personal life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the work life.
For instance
, when they face uncertain problems during their work life, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with more possible angles compared to those who never experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
internationally
.

To conclude
, having considered the above arguments, I am
firmly
convinced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
abroad is far more beneficial than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
locally
. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
internationally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can experience a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
outdoor and indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and will be a great decision maker.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people like to travel outside their country. Others would rather travel to tourist spots in their own country first, before travelling abroad. Which do you prefer to do and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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