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Some people like to throw away old things such as old books and old newspapers, while others like to keep these old things. Which do you prefer? Why?

Some people like to throw away old things such as old books and old newspapers, while others like to keep these old things. Which do you prefer? Why? O6O0k
In my opinion, material that we used before should throw away. If you collect everything, they will be a perfect place for dirt and growing microbes. On the other hand, remaining old things can massy our surroundings, harming our manage and, consequently, our focus. So, I think it's better to remove old tools instead of storing them. Nowadays half-lives of people are increasing, and I think it has two main reasons, First, improving the technology of Medical devices concurrent with the pharmaceutical and healthcare industry can associate people to have healthier lives. The other reason is that advanced technology has led to producing fresh and more nutritious foods that are available most of the time. Consequently, these two facts and numerous other improvements in technology have paved the path for people to live longer.
In my opinion, material that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
should throw away.

If you collect everything, they will be a perfect place for dirt and growing microbes.

On the other hand
, remaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
things can
Possible spelling mistake found.
massy our
surroundings, harming our manage and,
consequently
, our focus.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it's better to remove
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
tools
instead
of storing them.

Nowadays half-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are increasing, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it has two main reasons,

First
, improving the technology of Medical devices concurrent with the pharmaceutical and healthcare industry can associate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have healthier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

The other reason is that advanced technology has led to producing fresh and more nutritious foods that are available most of the time.

Consequently
, these two facts and numerous other improvements in technology have paved the path for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer.
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IELTS essay Some people like to throw away old things such as old books and old newspapers, while others like to keep these old things. Which do you prefer? Why?

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
134 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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