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Some people like to keep a record of their own experiences by uploading pictures and other information to social-networking sites. Other people prefer not to create such records. Which approach do you prefer, and why?

Making available information about the abilities and the experiences, on social-networking has an important effect on work-life and quality of life. Some people believe that getting ahead in life was influenced by sharing your resume on the internet, but others think otherwise. I personally prefer to keep a record of my experiences on special sites because of two reasons which I will explore below. First, in this day and age of information explosion and the internet, people can't find the best job position on an ocean of recruitments advertisement. On the internet there are some special sites about hiring people, you can upload your personal and experiences information on that sites, and when the specific job advertisement appropriate to your specialty and your field, they send that advertisement to your e-mail address, therefore you just request for some specific position by doing that, you can save your time and money. For example, my friend is still looking for a good job right after her graduation. But because she does not believe in sharing his resume, she has not been able to find a suitable job. Not only has she wasted her time but also, she has lost her energy and motivation. As a result, to succeed, we should find the best and most appropriate solution. For instance, to find suitable job positions, we can upload our resume on the specific sites on the internet. Second, today's, communication is in the widest mode. People can easily share their experiences with others. Taking advantage of others valuable information will prevent us from going in the wrong path. This will help us to be successful in our life. To find peoples in our specific field, we can surf the net and find the related resume, which people keep a record of their experiences on the social networking sites. Also, in order for others to be able to have connected with us, we should upload our resume on related sites. To conclude, today, we can share our experiences to social-networking sites to gain success in our life. Not only can we save our time and money but also, we can connect with the experts people.
Making available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the abilities and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
, on social-networking has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
effect on work-life and quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that getting ahead in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
was influenced
by sharing your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resume
on the internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
. I
personally
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a record of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
on special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two reasons which I will explore below.

First
, in this day and age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
explosion and the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position on an ocean of recruitments advertisement. On the internet there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
about hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, you can upload your personal and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, and when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
advertisement appropriate to your specialty and your field, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
that advertisement to your e-mail address,
therefore
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
request for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
position by doing that, you can save your time and money.
For example
, my friend is
still
looking for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
right after her graduation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she does not believe in sharing his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resume
, she has not been able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has she wasted her time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, she has lost her energy and motivation.
As a result
, to succeed, we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
the best and most appropriate solution.
For instance
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions, we can upload our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resume
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
on the internet.

Second,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's, communication is in the widest mode.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
easily
share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
with others. Taking advantage of others valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
us from going in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to be successful in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
field, we can surf the net and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
the related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resume
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a record of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
on the social networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
Also
, in order for others to be able to have connected with us, we should upload our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resume
on related sites.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, we can share our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
to social-networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
to gain success in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can we save our time and money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, we can connect with the experts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Some people like to keep a record of their own experiences by uploading pictures and other information to social-networking sites. Other people prefer not to create such records. Which approach do you prefer, and why?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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