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Some people like to buy new phones, new desktop or other latest devices. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people like to buy new phones, new desktop or other latest devices. v. 2
Purchasing new gadgets such as mobile phone, tab, a laptop is a passion of some people and they love to spend money on the latest technical devices. In my opinion, I completely agree that many public like to buy new devices due to coping up trends, increasing images and passing time. Firstly, having the latest device helps people to cope up with contemporary technology. In every latest version of a product, there must be some new features, which facilitate an individual to do day to day activities more efficiently. For example, voice commanding feature in ‘Samsung 10’ helps students and business persons to direct Google within a second and saves the time of typing. Therefore, every latest version of any device makes life smoothly and remains a person up to date. Secondly, people always want to increase their social status and buying the new phone, the desktop or the storage device is one of the ways of raising images to society. For instance, purchasing a ‘Note 3 Plus’ of Samsung brand will raise prestige to any person because of its highest price in the mobile market. Moreover, having the latest devices increases status to colleagues and friends. Finally, people often buy a new thing as a hobby or passing time in the market. In other words, when people are moving around the shopping mall, they attract new model products and purchase those by influencing the salesperson. In every shop, for example, there is a person, who persuade visitors to buy and people cannot ignore the marketing tactics. In conclusion, there is a tendency to buy modern technological devices because people want to maintain fad, raise their status and pass free time.
Purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
gadgets such as mobile phone, tab, a laptop is a passion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to spend money on the latest technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
public like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
due to coping up trends, increasing images and passing time.

Firstly
, having the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to cope up with contemporary technology. In every latest version of a product, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
features, which facilitate an individual to do day to day activities more
efficiently
.
For example
, voice commanding feature in ‘Samsung 10’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
students and business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
to direct Google within a second and saves the time of typing.
Therefore
, every latest version of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
life
smoothly
and remains a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
up to date.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always want to increase their social status and buying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
phone, the desktop or the storage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
is one of the ways of raising images to society.
For instance
, purchasing a ‘Note 3 Plus’ of Samsung brand will raise prestige to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its highest price in the mobile market.
Moreover
, having the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
increases status to colleagues and friends.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
thing as a hobby or passing time in the market.
In other words
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are moving around the shopping mall, they attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
model products and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
those by influencing the salesperson. In every shop,
for example
, there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, who persuade visitors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the marketing tactics.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, there is a tendency to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
modern technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to maintain fad, raise their status and pass free time.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some people like to buy new phones, new desktop or other latest devices. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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