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Some people have inborn talents to become athletes or musicians while others do not. Nevertheless, some people believe that every child can be educated to be good sportsmen or sportswomen and musicians. This essay will discuss both opinions and present my own opinion.

Some people have inborn talents to become athletes or musicians while others do not. Nevertheless, some people believe that every child can be educated to be good sportsmen or sportswomen and musicians. This essay will K0ADw
Some people have inborn talents to become athletes or musicians while others do not. Nevertheless, others believe that every child can be educated to be good sportsmen or sportswomen and musicians. This essay will discuss both opinions and present my own opinion. At very young ages, geniuses’ talents and achievements in music and sports overcome other people’s ones in the same fields. For instance, Mozart revealed his gift when composing his first piece of music at the age of four when most children still do not know how to read scores. Besides, since Messi was 19 years old, he had developed into one of the biggest football stars in the world while most young players do not finish their training. Above geniuses have been one of the best in history of their own fields while many others spend years of making efforts but cannot achieve what they gained at the early ages. However, only talents do not guarantee success in those careers. Numerous young talents are not enthusiastic enough to overcome difficulties such as injuries or failure to be professional musicians and athletes, who need to horn respective skills every day for a long time. Meanwhile, though my aunt has never been considered a musical genius, having learned and practiced violin for 35 years helps her join the Vietnam National Symphony Orchestra. Nevertheless, if she were not tenacious enough, 10 years ago, she would not recover from a car accident that almost destroyed her fingers to restart practicing violin as a beginner to be a professional again. Being well educated on knowledge of music and the attitude toward challenges has brought her success. In short, admittedly, innate abilities in sports and music help geniuses more likely to succeed and gain greater achievements in the areas, I hold that education enables not only them but every child to be a successful athlete or musician.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have inborn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
to become athletes or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musicians
while others do not.
Nevertheless
, others believe that every child can
be educated
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sportsmen or sportswomen and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musicians
. This essay will discuss both opinions and present my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

At
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young ages, geniuses’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
and achievements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and sports overcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s ones in the same fields.
For instance
, Mozart revealed his gift when composing his
first
piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
at the age of four when most children
still
do not know how to read scores.
Besides
, since Messi was 19 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, he had developed into one of the biggest football stars in the world while most young players do not finish their training. Above geniuses have been one of the
Use "good at" to mean "skilled" with school subjects. Try this: "best at history".
best in history
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
fields while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others spend years of making efforts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cannot achieve what they gained at the early ages.

However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
do not guarantee success in those careers. Numerous young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
are not enthusiastic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to overcome difficulties such as injuries or failure to be professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musicians
and athletes, who need to horn respective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
every day for a long time. Meanwhile, though my aunt has never
been considered
a musical genius, having learned and practiced violin for 35 years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the Vietnam National Symphony Orchestra.
Nevertheless
, if she were not tenacious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, 10 years ago, she would not recover from a car accident that almost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
her fingers to restart practicing violin as a beginner to be a professional again. Being
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
on knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and the attitude toward challenges has brought her success.

In short,
admittedly
, innate abilities in sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
geniuses more likely to succeed and gain greater achievements in the areas, I hold that education enables not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
every child to be a successful athlete or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musician
.
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IELTS essay Some people have inborn talents to become athletes or musicians while others do not. Nevertheless, some people believe that every child can be educated to be good sportsmen or sportswomen and musicians. This essay will

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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