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Some people feel that young people should be made to work for a year before they go to university while others think that they should go straight to university from school

Some people feel that young people should be made to work for a year before they go to university while others think that they should go straight to university from school Elweb
People's opinions differ as to whether or not teenagers should work before going to university. While there are some strong arguments against that they should go to university, I still believe that it is a necessary aspect of living. There are several reasons why people might argue that teenagers should go straight to university from school. Firstly, there is an evidence to support the idea that it is extremely beneficial for young individuals to continue their education. Secondly, many people would argue that individuals going to universities would have the opportunities to expand their learning capacity beyond the boundaries of the subject. Finally, it is recognised that with higher education, many opportunities and benefits arise. In spite of the above argument, I support the view that people, who start working rather than going to university, would become more experienced. The main benefit of having experience is one of the essential elements in being a successful professional, as well as, attain job security. In doing so, students will get numerous knowledge how to be prepared for adult life. It is clear that many students in United Arab Emirates, who started working as soon as they finished their highest studies in school, found it easier to get a better promotion and higher positions in their work fields in the long run. In my view, it is important to be experienced. In conclusion, working before going to university certainly has its drawbacks, but I still believe that the benefits outweigh them in long term
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's opinions differ
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
as to whether or not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strong arguments against that they should go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, I
still
believe that it is a necessary aspect of living. There are several reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should go straight to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
from school.
Firstly
, there is an evidence to support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it is
extremely
beneficial for young individuals to continue their education.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would argue that individuals going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
would have the opportunities to expand their learning capacity beyond the boundaries of the subject.
Finally
, it is
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
that with higher education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities and benefits arise.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the above argument, I support the view that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working
rather
than going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, would become more experienced. The main benefit of having experience is one of the essential elements in being a successful professional,
as well
as, attain job security. In doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, students will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
numerous knowledge how to
be prepared
for adult life. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the United Arab Emirates".
in United Arab Emirates
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they finished their highest studies in school, found it easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better promotion and higher positions in their work fields in the long run. In my view, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
be experienced
.
In conclusion
, working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
certainly
has its drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
still
believe that the benefits outweigh them in long
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
term
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IELTS essay Some people feel that young people should be made to work for a year before they go to university while others think that they should go straight to university from school

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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