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Inventors are not more important than doctors

Inventors are not more important than doctors oEkgw
Nowadays, as growth of modern technologies we can see the our way of lives have been changed and as the result the majority of people throughout the world are more depend on some practical inventions like to television, computer and satellite while, some group of people believe that medical care with help of a doctor and nurse is more vital for human life. In the past, a lot of numbers of young children and thier mothers died because of the lake of medical facilites whereas there were a lot of dexterous physician, but know technology has been waved with medical scienses and medial commonites are so pleased for haveing better function and saving more lives with help of this practical design.
Nowadays, as growth of modern technologies we can
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see
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "our way" or "the way"?
the our way
of
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lives
have been
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changed
and as the result the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
throughout the world are more depend on
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some
practical inventions like to television, computer and satellite while,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that medical care with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of a doctor and nurse is more vital for human life. In the past,
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a lot of
numbers of young children and
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thier
mothers
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died
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lake of medical
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facilites
whereas there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
dexterous physician,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
know technology has
been waved
with medical
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scienses
and medial
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commonites
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
for
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haveing
better function and saving more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of this practical design.

IELTS essay Inventors are not more important than doctors

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
121 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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