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Is it wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young individuals who have less experience? v.4

Is it wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young individuals who have less experience? v. 4
It is true that a recent trend of replacing the experienced old workers with young talents has cropped up in every industry. In my opinion, not all the old workers should be replaced with young individuals. Experienced employees of every industry should be considered as valuable assets. This is because their experience in the company would be definitely proportional to their loyalty and gratitude towards the employers which is an added advantage. Such Emotionally bonded employees would work sincerely for the development of the company. This is not all; their total experience could never be replaced by anything which implies that they would have sound practical knowledge. Therefore it is always better for the businesses to retain their older employees in spite of recruiting freshers. On the other hand, fresh graduates are the need of the hour to make the industry sustain in the prevailing high competition. The world has become revolutionised with the advancements in technology and thus a people with cutting edge technical skills are needed in every industry for its economic growth. Contrarily, it is not a wise decision to fire the old and experienced employees considering age as the only factor. Their experience should be valued, although they might not be aware of updated technologies. There would be problems wherein freshers could find difficulty. In this case, they certainly need guidance. Why can’t every industry use their senior employees as a mentor to train fresh trainees? It should also be taken into consideration that an industry should be ruthless at times, in my opinion, to make its progress consistent. So if suppose a work like marketing and sales involves an old aged employee who is really getting weak, then the wisest decision would be to replace him or her with a young and energetic person. It is not that the older one should be fired but can be used as a resource person for the industry. To conclude, both old and young employees are the prerequisites for a healthy work- environment. There should be a mutual sharing of knowledge and skills for the upliftment of the industry. But, few people whose age is an issue for their work could be replaced with young individuals and not all.
It is true that a recent trend of replacing the experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
workers with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
talents has cropped up in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
. In my opinion, not all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
workers should
be replaced
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals.

Experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
should
be considered
as valuable assets. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their experience in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
would be definitely proportional to their loyalty and gratitude towards the employers which is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
advantage. Such
Emotionally
bonded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
sincerely
for the development of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. This is not all; their total experience could never
be replaced
by anything which implies that they would have sound practical knowledge.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is always better for the businesses to retain their older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
recruiting freshers.

On the other hand
, fresh graduates are the need of the hour to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
sustain in the prevailing high competition. The world has become
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
with the advancements in technology and
thus
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with cutting edge technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are needed
in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
for its economic growth.

Contrarily
, it is not a wise decision to fire the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
considering age as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factor. Their experience should
be valued
, although they might not be aware of updated technologies. There would be problems wherein freshers could find difficulty.
In this case
, they
certainly
need guidance. Why can’t every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
as a mentor to train fresh trainees?

It should
also
be taken
into consideration that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
should be ruthless at times, in my opinion, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
its progress consistent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if suppose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
like marketing and sales involves an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
who is
really
getting weak, then the wisest decision would be to replace him or her with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and energetic person. It is not that the older one should
be fired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a resource person for the industry.

To conclude
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are the prerequisites for a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work-
environment. There should be a mutual sharing of knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
upliftment
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whose age is an issue for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
could
be replaced
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals and not all.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Is it wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young individuals who have less experience? v. 4

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
371 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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