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Some people feel that entertainers(e g.film stars,pop musicians or sports star) are paid too much money. Do you agree and disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?

Some people feel that entertainers(e g. film stars, pop musicians or sports star) are paid too much money. Do you agree and disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? 7D1A
Certain people believe that celebrities especially in movies, sports or singers are earned exorbitant money as compared to other workers. I firmly agree with this statement, why these entertainers are earned too much money and what anothers jobs should be paid accurately will be discussed in forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, noudoubt, celebrities have a good publicity among people. And, they are the highest earners in the society, for limelight purpose, several companies or business organizations offer hefty amount of money to entertainers. Cristiano Ronaldo from football, Salman khan from bollywood movies are the highest earning celebrities in this time. Moreover, famous entertainers paid extravagant money from adverts. For chancing productivity of products just by doing acting for short period of time. These are done for catching attention of audience and major role in this trend to follow them blindly is a younsters mortality. To whom governments should be paid accurate instead to popular celebrities? First and foremost, dividation of payments is based on skills present in a person rather depend on his popularity. Regulatory bodies have to manage the wages of all workers through discriminaion of rich and poor society will diminshed. Skilled workers especially doctors, nurses, engineers and army officers should be paid more because of their talent and skills towards their professions. Nowadays, numerous medical practioners are migrating from developing to developed countries. So, regulatory bodies should take decisions for them by providing accurate salary, eventhough country's talent will be remain anf enhancement of economy will also occured. In conclusion, celebrities have to pay according to their ability or skills instead of popularity along with them, government have to focus on other professions, a country will raise skilled employees.
Certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
especially
in movies, sports or singers
are earned
exorbitant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as compared to other workers. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, why these entertainers
are earned
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and what
Possible spelling mistake found.
anothers
jobs should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
accurately
will
be discussed
in forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with,
Possible spelling mistake found.
noudoubt
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
publicity among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. And, they are the highest earners in the society, for limelight purpose, several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or business organizations offer hefty amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to entertainers. Cristiano Ronaldo from football, Salman khan from
Possible spelling mistake found.
bollywood
movies are the highest earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
in this time.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
entertainers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
extravagant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from adverts. For chancing productivity of products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "going acting".
doing acting
for short period of time. These
are done
for catching attention of audience and major role in this trend to follow them
blindly
is a
Possible spelling mistake found.
younsters
mortality. To whom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
accurate
instead
to popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
?
First
and foremost,
Possible spelling mistake found.
dividation
of payments
is based
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
present in a person
rather
depend on his popularity. Regulatory bodies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage the wages of all workers through
Possible spelling mistake found.
discriminaion
of rich and poor society will
Possible spelling mistake found.
diminshed
. Skilled workers
especially
doctors, nurses, engineers and army officers should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their talent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
towards their professions. Nowadays, numerous medical
Possible spelling mistake found.
practioners
are migrating from developing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, regulatory bodies should take decisions for them by providing accurate salary,
Possible spelling mistake found.
eventhough
country's talent will be
Consider using the past participle "remained"?
remain
Possible spelling mistake found.
anf
enhancement of economy will
also
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay according to their ability or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
instead
of popularity along with them,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on other professions, a country will raise skilled employees.
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IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers(e g. film stars, pop musicians or sports star) are paid too much money. Do you agree and disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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