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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid? 2blMM
Money play crucial role in society. Many people are of opinion that film actors, singers, sports players are remunerated high payment. I personally agree with this argument. In this essay, I will discuss my views why I agree to the notion and support my views. To begin with, One of the main reason for disagreeing is that even though entertainment is important to relieve our stress and pressure from work, it is still too much to pay millions to the entertainers for a single shoot. For example, Virat Kohli is one of the top Indian cricketer and for an advertisement he is paid nearly 2millions, instead this money can be paid to other employers who are working in the development of our country. On the other hand, people with low income should be given bonus or incentives which can motivate them further to work hard for the nation. In other words, school teachers and researchers are backbone for developing a country. Government schools these days are not employed with good faculty which in turn resulted for increase in private schools and attracting students. For instance, government can pay more money to teachers and they help students in achieving their dream jobs. Consequently, private schools are reduced and parents show interest in government schools and as a result, this help economically to the nation. In addition, supporting financially researchers help improving their research and this practically develop nation. For example, developing countries are still backward and they should help financial aid to scientists as this provides new innovations and supports country. In conclusion, it can be reiterated that although entertainment is essential in our daily life, it would be futile spending much on them. In contrast, paying highly to school faculty and research develops nation.
Money
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "plays".
play
crucial role in society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of opinion that film actors, singers, sports players
are remunerated
high payment. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument. In this essay, I will discuss my views why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the notion and support my views.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, One of the main reason for disagreeing is that
even though
entertainment is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to relieve our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure from work, it is
still
too much to pay millions to the entertainers for a single shoot.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
is one of the top Indian cricketer and for an advertisement he
is paid
nearly
2millions,
instead
this money can
be paid
to other employers who are working in the development of our country.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with low income should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bonus or incentives which can motivate them
further
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
teachers and researchers are backbone for developing a country.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
these days are not employed with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
faculty which in turn resulted for increase in private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and attracting students.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can pay more money to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
teachers and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
students in achieving their dream jobs.
Consequently
, private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
interest in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
as a result
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
economically
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
In addition
, supporting
financially
researchers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to improve" or "improve".
improving
their research and this
practically
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
are
still
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
backward and
they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
financial aid to scientists as this provides new innovations and supports country.

In conclusion
, it can
be reiterated
that although entertainment is essential in our daily life, it would be futile spending much on them.
In contrast
, paying
highly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
faculty and research develops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
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IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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