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some people feel that certain workers like nurses , doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more.How far do you agree?

some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more. How far do you agree? DwJY6
It cannot be denied that professionals in health and teaching occupation are key to structure the society. However, these careers are underestimated and seem to have low payment and be degraded. In my opinion, these professors should be regarded accordingly and be well-paid. First of all, medical universities take students a couple of years to learn, to be well-educated and have more experience before they start working. Therefore, if they are not paid well, it can lead to disappointment among them and they will not contribute their work with full enthusiasm and good attitude. Secondly, educational professors are the one who teach children - the furute generation of each country. And teaching is not a period or a moment, it is a process. If teachers are not satisfied with their salary, this process will be interrupted. Moreover, if this career is still low-paid, many high-school students will not choose it. This can lead to a shortage of workforce and have an adverse effect on the nation's growth. In conclusion, teachers and hospital staffs shoud be paid more in the light of their extreme importance and the improvement of countries.
It cannot
be denied
that professionals in health and teaching occupation are key to structure the society.
However
, these careers
are underestimated
and seem to have low payment and
be degraded
. In my opinion, these professors should
be regarded
accordingly
and be well-paid.

First of all
, medical universities take students a couple of years to learn, to be well-educated and have more experience
before
they
start
working.
Therefore
, if they are not paid well, it can lead to disappointment among
them and
they will not contribute their work with full enthusiasm and
good
attitude.

Secondly
, educational professors are the one who teach children
-
the
furute
generation of each country. And teaching is not a period or a moment, it is a process. If teachers are not satisfied with their salary, this process will
be interrupted
.
Moreover
, if this career is
still
low-paid,
many
high-school students will not choose it. This can lead to a shortage of workforce and have an adverse effect on the nation's growth.

In conclusion
, teachers and hospital staffs
shoud
be paid
more in the light of their extreme importance and the improvement of countries.
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IELTS essay some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more. How far do you agree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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