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Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will no longer necessary because people can see historical objects and work of art by using a computer

Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will no longer necessary because people can see historical objects and work of art by using a computer 15nNq
Some people argue that there are the number of public meseums and art galleries which are citizens can see ancient items and work of art skills by using a modern technology like computers. While, there are several benefits of using a computers, I am of the opinion that public museums and art galleries will be much more essential. On the one hand, there are several reasons why using a computer which is in order to view public museums and art galleries mainly because the twenty first century is the age of modern technology and mobile phones. Hence, the young people can easily search differently historical objects on the internet. Moreover, fewer local people travel to such places partly because it is more convenient to stay at home using computers and enjoy to watch on the internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that there are the number of public
Possible spelling mistake found.
meseums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries which are citizens can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
ancient items and work of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by using a modern technology like computers. While, there are several benefits of using
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a computer" or simply "computers"?
a computers
, I am of the opinion that public museums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries will be much more essential. On the one hand, there are several reasons why using a computer which is in order to view public museums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the twenty
first
century is the age of modern technology and mobile phones.
Hence
, the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
easily
search
differently
historical objects on the internet.
Moreover
, fewer local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travel to such places partly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is more convenient to stay at home using computers and enjoy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on the internet.
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IELTS essay Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will no longer necessary because people can see historical objects and work of art by using a computer

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
136 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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