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some people belived that violence on TV and in computer game has damaging effect on society

some people belived that violence on TV and in computer game has damaging effect on society PMDaw
It is believed that violence on television and in computer games has a bad effect on society. Furthermore, Children today can access media through both traditional devices, like televisions, and portable devices like laptops and tablets. With more access, children are more likely to be exposed to violent content where force is being used and harm is being done to a person or character. and violence scene in TV, computer game and on the internet increases the risk of violent behavior on the people especially children. Moreover, children have emotions weaker than an adult person because the process of growing their emotions is not complete and they are weaker in this regard so They need more attention and the content of their movies and games should be under the control of their parents. Lastly, the government should have more control over content producers and make it mandatory to attach age labels to products. so that children are not harmed. So, as you can see, violence on TV and computer games is believed to have a negative impact on society.
It
is believed
that violence on television and in computer
games
has a
bad
effect on society.
Furthermore
,
Children
today
can access media through both traditional devices, like televisions, and portable devices like laptops and tablets. With more access,
children
are more likely to
be exposed
to violent content where force is being
used
and harm is
being done
to a person or character.
and
violence scene in TV, computer game and on the internet increases the
risk
of violent behavior on the
people
especially
children
.
Moreover
,
children
have emotions weaker than an adult person
because
the process of growing their emotions is not
complete and
they are weaker in this regard
so
They need more attention and the content of their movies and
games
should be under the control of their parents.
Lastly
, the
government
should have more control over content producers and
make
it mandatory to attach age labels to products.
so
that
children
are not harmed.
So
, as you can
see
, violence on TV and computer
games
is believed
to have a
negative
impact on society.
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IELTS essay some people belived that violence on TV and in computer game has damaging effect on society

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
179 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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