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People nowadays are spending more time at the workplace and it is argued this is a problem for family life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

People nowadays are spending more time at the workplace and it is argued this is a problem for family life. with this statement? GrDKj
Over the past few years, in order to making money individuals are giving too much time for work and lessen for family. However, it is considered by many that it creates detrimental effects on relationship, I strongly agree with this notion. To commence with, there are numerous fact why some people arguing with the statement. The most prominent drawback behind is that, one cannot give sufficient time for family. This is because, person is spending more time in company, as a consequence it would definitely create negative impact on bonding with entire family. If person want to strong relationship with their loved one, then they have to give enough time to family members and understand to each others. As an illustration, the famous magazine of the U. K. revealed that, in 2020, most of the couple devorced since they did not give enough time to each other in hard time. Furthermore, apart from this, this trend is also hazardous for one's health. Working longer hours leads to health issues such as heart disease, diabetes and stress related illness. This is because they do not have time for exercise. Moreover, health is indirectly connected with relationship. For example, nowadays people are more suffering with health related issues compared to the past. Therefore, it can be said that why this trend certainly disadvantageous. In conclusion, it can be stated that although longer work hours good for people economic status, it creates many problems in their social life.
Over the past few years, in order to
Did you mean "make"?
making
money individuals are giving too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for work and lessen for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
However
, it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that it creates detrimental effects on relationship, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion. To commence with, there are numerous fact why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
arguing with the statement. The most prominent drawback behind is that, one cannot give sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, person is spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, as a consequence it would definitely create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on bonding with entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. If person want to strong relationship with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one, then they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and understand to each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
. As an illustration, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
magazine of the U. K. revealed that, in 2020, most of the couple
Possible spelling mistake found.
devorced
since they did not give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to each other in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Furthermore
, apart from this, this trend is
also
hazardous for one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Working longer hours leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues such as heart disease, diabetes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
related illness. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for exercise.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
indirectly
connected with relationship.
For example
, nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more suffering with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
related issues compared to the past.
Therefore
, it can
be said
that why this trend
certainly
disadvantageous.
In conclusion
, it can
be stated
that although longer work hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
economic status, it creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in their social life.
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IELTS essay People nowadays are spending more time at the workplace and it is argued this is a problem for family life. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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