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Some people believes it is necessary to focus on future rather than present where other believes it is not right.

Some people believes it is necessary to focus on future rather than present where other believes it is not right. M3pEQ
Nowadays, some great brains of the nations believes that is crucial for individual personality as well as for the society to focus more on future instead of present. Well, I am totally in oppose of this given statement as it can give birth to some big difficulties and also spoil our present and the reasons will be discussed in the forthcoming paragraphs. To embark with, First and foremost the major concern which will arise if we give more importance to our future rather than present than it may be proved as a disaster for us to illustrate it, for example if we save money for future by not spending it on necessities items of survival for satisfy our today then it may totally a foolish activity because future is unpredictable. For cite an epitome, According to one report Indian save money for their old age but one out ten will survive to enjoy it other 99 percent died due to an disease or natural calamity. Secondly, In some scenario it is important to think about the future but at a limited extent for example, Indian parents save money for their daughters marriage as they know that they need to spend on their daughter marriage as well as for the dowry which they need to provide to their husband for to satisfy his family but after that she is not their responsibility and they don't need to think more about her daughter future. To recapitulate, I believe there is no need to think about future as if we do that then we spoil our present also.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
great brains of the nations believes
that is
crucial for individual personality
as well
as for the society to focus more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
. Well, I am
totally
in oppose of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement as it can give birth to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
difficulties and
also
spoil our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
and the reasons will
be discussed
in the forthcoming paragraphs.

To embark with,
First
and foremost the major concern which will arise if we give more importance to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
than it may
be proved
as a disaster for us to illustrate it,
for example
if we save money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
by not spending it on necessities items of survival for satisfy our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
then it may
totally
a foolish activity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
is unpredictable. For cite an epitome, According to one report Indian save money for their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one out ten will survive to enjoy it other 99 percent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
due to
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
disease or natural calamity.

Secondly
, In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scenario it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at a limited extent
for example
, Indian parents save money for their daughters marriage as they know that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to spend on their daughter marriage
as well
as for the dowry which they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to provide to their husband for to satisfy his family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after that she is not their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
responsibility and
they don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
more about her daughter future.

To recapitulate, I believe there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
as if we do that then we spoil our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
also
.
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IELTS essay Some people believes it is necessary to focus on future rather than present where other believes it is not right.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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