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Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates to get better job, other belief there are much wider benefits of university education for both indivisual and society. Discuss views and give your opinion v.1

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates to get better job, other belief there are much wider benefits of university education for both indivisual and society. Discuss views and give your opinion v. 1
Majority of the pupils are striving for higher qualifications. It is often argued that, the sole purpose of university education is to pursue a desired post whilst, other believe that, having a professional degree is beneficial to both individual and society. I strongly concur with the notion that, the tertiary education helps in collective well being of society. On one hand, people believe that, getting higher education is the key to secure the best position. Because we are surviving in a competitive world, where competency of a person is judged on the basis of his degree rather than other qualities. However, I disagree with this opinion as, certainty to get a particular service not only depends upon knowledge, but also require technical skill and good previous experience in the specific field. For instance, a company dealing with information and technology will prefer to enrol a candidate, who had been working in the same field for long time, rather than a person who had recently graduated. On the other hand, some argue that, having a graduation degree contributes to personal and social welfare. I too agree with this, firstly, in big institutes one have to interact with so many different people with different mentalities, in addition, they have to overcome various challenges like financial and educational stresses. All aforementioned factors provide him an opportunity to learn grow as a person. Such a groomed individual in turn serves the nation and elevates the economy of the country. For example, India is well known for the best hepatic surgeons, all over the Asia, hence, people across the countries, visit them for the liver surgeries and transplant, in this way they earn individually and also add a lot to the country’s reserves. In conclusion, higher education not solely aim for perfect job opportunities, while, it is too helpful for people and country in order to built finances.
Majority of the pupils are striving for higher qualifications. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that, the sole purpose of university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is to pursue a desired post whilst, other believe that, having a professional degree is beneficial to both individual and society. I
strongly
concur with the notion that, the tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in collective
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of society.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that, getting higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the key to secure the best position.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
we are surviving in a competitive world, where competency of a person
is judged
on the basis of his degree
rather
than other qualities.
However
, I disagree with this opinion as, certainty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a particular service not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depends upon knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
require technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
previous experience in the specific field.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
dealing with information and technology will prefer to enrol a candidate, who had been working in the same field for long time,
rather
than a person who had recently graduated.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that, having a graduation degree contributes to personal and social welfare.
Consider using commas to set off 'too', if you want to emphasize an abrupt change of thought.
I too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this,
firstly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
institutes one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
interact with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mentalities,
in addition
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
overcome various challenges like financial and educational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
. All aforementioned factors provide him an opportunity to learn
This verb is used with the infinitive: "to grow"
grow
as a person. Such a groomed individual in turn serves the nation and elevates the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, India is well known for the best hepatic surgeons, all over the Asia,
hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, visit them for the liver surgeries and transplant, in this way they earn
individually
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a lot to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
reserves.

In conclusion
, higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
not
solely
aim for perfect job opportunities, while, it is too helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in order to built finances.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates to get better job, other belief there are much wider benefits of university education for both indivisual and society. Discuss views and give your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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