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Some people believe that youngsters should follow traditions while others believe that they can behave as individuals. Discus both the views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that youngsters should follow traditions while others believe that they can behave as individuals. Discus both the views and give your opinion. leRkX
It is often argued that, traditions should be followed by young people whereas many people think that individuals can behave as they want to. According to my perspective, I think that they have freedom to live their life as per their choice although it is necessary to follow own rituals. To commence with, everyone have right to live according to their taste. Though individuals have the freedom to live their lives freely, traditions play vital rule to save their culture. Every community have their own traditions and to follow them it is certainly depends on individual. To take India as an example, because of modern clothes athenic once are losing their place. Because of modernization some rituals has been disappearing day by day. By far, talking about traditions, which are very important. To save our cultural values and traditions everyone have to follow them not in daily life but on occasions and festivals. Nepal is best example for this, because the Namaste tradition is passing to one to another, which is sign to show respect to elder people even it shows their culture. Everyone have their own perspective, according to my opinion unless people do not value our traditions, they will be disappear in future. I think not only parents but also teachers can motivate children to follow our culture because it is part of our lives. To conclude, however it is good to accept modern culture, meeting to our own cultural values and traditions is vital.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
should
be followed
by young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that individuals can behave as they want to. According to my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they have freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their life as per their choice although it is necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
rituals. To commence with, everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
according to their taste. Though individuals have the freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
freely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
play vital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. Every community have
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
them it is
certainly
depends on individual. To take India as an example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of modern clothes
Possible spelling mistake found.
athenic
once are losing their place.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of modernization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rituals has been disappearing day by day. By far, talking about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. To save our cultural values and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
them not in daily life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on occasions and festivals. Nepal
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
example for this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the Namaste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
is passing to one to another, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
respect to elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. Everyone
The pronoun 'Everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, according to my opinion unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not value our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
, they will be
Consider using the past participle "disappeared"?
disappear
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
teachers can motivate children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
To conclude
,
however
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to accept modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, meeting to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cultural values and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
is vital.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that youngsters should follow traditions while others believe that they can behave as individuals. Discus both the views and give your opinion.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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