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Some people believe that violence shown today on entertainment media is the cause of criminal activity in the society. Is this true? What can be done to address this issue?

A group of people have the opinion that, the reason for increasing crimes in today's society is the violence seen on the entertainment channel. It is true to some extend and there are several ways to resolve this issue. First of all, it is true that, nowadays, the crime rate is increased due to the violence seen in the entertainment field. The main cause of this is the youngsters have the tendency to imitate what they saw in the films and other media. It is because they consider the heroes and heroines as role models and try to follow the things they are shown in media. Teenagers think that whatever shown in the media is right and might misunderstand it as original life. They have a huge curiosity and tendency to imitate the criminal activities shown in entertainment media and become criminals and might ruin their entire life. The best way to solve this issue is to give awareness to young people in society. This can be done by parents, teachers, and government authorities. Convince them that orginal life is entirely different from entertainment life. For that, the media can telecast interviews of famous personalities themselves to give awareness to the society that this is only for getting fame and money and not to copy it in people's life. Counseling given in school is another way to reduce the imitating tendency of youngsters. This may help in reducing crime rates. To conclude, brutality shown in entertainment shows is one of the reasons for increasing crimes. To solve this issue young people in society need to reduce their following tendency otherwise it will negatively affect people's life as well as society.
A group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the opinion that, the reason for increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is the violence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on the entertainment channel. It is true to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean the noun “extent”?
extend
and there are several ways to resolve this issue.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, it is true that, nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate
is increased
due to the violence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the entertainment field. The main cause of this is the youngsters have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tendency
to imitate what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
in the films and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they consider the heroes and heroines as role models and try to follow the things they
are shown
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that whatever shown in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is right and might misunderstand it as original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They have a huge curiosity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tendency
to imitate the criminal activities shown in entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and become criminals and might ruin their entire life.

The best way to solve this issue is to give awareness to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This can
be done
by parents, teachers, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities. Convince them that
Possible spelling mistake found.
orginal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. For that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can telecast interviews of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities themselves to give awareness to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
that this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for getting fame and money and not to copy it in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Counseling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in school is another way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the imitating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tendency
of youngsters. This may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates.

To conclude
, brutality shown in entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
is one of the reasons for increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. To solve this issue young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tendency
otherwise
it will
negatively
affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that violence shown today on entertainment media is the cause of criminal activity in the society. Is this true? What can be done to address this issue?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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