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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

The amount of violence on TV and computer games is increasing and it is argued this trend affects society in a harmful way. Others believe that it has no notable influence on people’s way of behaving. I think that this tendency has a damaging impact on people. Media has always been a trend-setter in society and people tend to copy things they see on it and violence is no exception. In today’s world, it is hard to find a movie or a show with no brutality in it. Obviously, not everybody imitates everything they consume, but I believe that there are a lot of impressionable people, especially children that can grow up to think that they can solve their problems with aggression. An alarming trend of increasing violence on TV and computer games normalizes it in everyday life. In my opinion, if society consumes violent media on a daily basis, then they will start to believe that it is normal. Moreover, most people think of content they see as a reflection of reality and it is awfully dangerous because what we see on a phone and computer screens can transition to the real world. Taking everything into consideration, I think that cruelty we see in media has a significant influence on people’s behaviour.
The amount of violence on TV and computer games is increasing and it
is argued
this trend affects society
Consider replacing "in a harmful way" with the adverb for "harmful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a harmful way
. Others believe that it has no notable influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
way of behaving. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that this tendency has a damaging impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Media has always been a trend-setter in society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to copy things they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on it and violence is no exception. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find a movie or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
with no brutality in it.
Obviously
, not everybody imitates everything they consume,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
impressionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
children that can grow up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that they can solve their problems with aggression.

An alarming trend of increasing violence on TV and computer games normalizes it in everyday life. In my opinion, if society consumes violent media on a daily basis, then they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to believe that it is normal.
Moreover
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
of content they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
as a reflection of reality and it is awfully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on a phone and computer screens can transition to the real world.

Taking everything into consideration, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that cruelty we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in media has a significant influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
213 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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