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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these have any significant influence on people's behavior? What is your opinion? v.1

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these have any significant influence on people's behavior? What is your opinion? v. 1
Television and computer games have been the most popular sources of entertainment among folks. While, some individuals believe that the content of these mediums has become violent these days, and it might impact negatively on our society, I would argue that these elements do not have any significant effect on people. On the one hand, those who believe that computer games and TV shows are harmful might argue that these programmes exhibit inhumane behaviour which sometimes could augment cruelty among the viewers. For instance, movies like Texas Chainsaw, and Final Destination are so brutal, making it difficult for the first-timers to watch. Moreover, new genera of video games are nothing more, but virtual platforms of deliberate crimes such as robberies, killings, and accidents. Thus, playing these games could make this cruelty, a normal phenomenon for young minds. On the other hand, my view is that an individual's own perspective plays a crucial role in moulding his/her character. In other words, a positive and educated person would never sway over with any abnormal activity occurring around him/her. A research study revealed that playing video games boosts brain-power, and improves strategic thinking among the individuals. If these sorts of content have been so damaging, then every person who watches them would become ferocious, however, this is not the reality. In conclusion, TV programmes and computer games have become harsh, and could damage the society, these factors do not bother optimistic and self-determined people. In my opinion, ignorance and illiteracy are the reasons behind the aggressive behaviour after watching the violent contents.
Television and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have been the most popular sources of entertainment among folks. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that the content of these mediums has become violent these days, and it might impact
negatively
on our society, I would argue that these elements do not have any significant effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand, those who believe that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
are harmful might argue that these
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
exhibit inhumane
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
could augment cruelty among the viewers.
For instance
, movies like Texas Chainsaw, and Final Destination are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
brutal, making it difficult for the
first
-timers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.
Moreover
, new genera of video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are nothing more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
virtual platforms of deliberate crimes such as robberies, killings, and accidents.
Thus
, playing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this cruelty, a normal phenomenon for young minds.

On the other hand
, my view is that an individual's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective plays a crucial role in
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulding' is British English.
moulding
his/her character.
In other words
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and educated person would never sway over with any abnormal activity occurring around him/her. A research study revealed that playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
boosts brain-power, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
strategic thinking among the individuals. If these sorts of content have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
damaging, then every person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
them would become ferocious,
however
, this is not the reality.

In conclusion
, TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have become harsh, and could damage the society, these factors do not bother optimistic and self-determined
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In my opinion, ignorance and illiteracy are the reasons behind the aggressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
after watching the violent contents.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these have any significant influence on people's behavior? What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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