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Some people believe that to be successful at a sport you need a natural ability and others think that hard work and practice can make you successful. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Some people believe that to be successful at a sport you need a natural ability and others think that hard work and practice can make you successful. WOV0
Some people think that, to achieve great things in sports we need natural talent. However, a few people think that it takes hard work and training to become successful. In my opinion, it is all about the efforts, that really matters in accomplishing our goals. To begin with, all the great persons who have made some remarkable achievements in their careers, are not the one's born with natural talents. In addition to that, if the natural inheritance played a major role in determining success, there would have been very less eminent sports personalities in the world. For example, MS. Dhoti a renowned cricket player started his career as a soccer player. But, later through his hard work, he became a prominent personality in cricket. Therefore, the only thing that matters is, the strenuous efforts and persistence. Secondly, if natural skills combined with great efforts, always leads us in a way of achieving greater heights. Moreover, to attain big things in respective fields, a little bit of talent is also essential. For instance, the player with inherent abilities, always has the upper hand in reaching the targets. Hence, the special privileges play, some of its supporting roles in the required time frame. Lastly, to reach our ambitions, the only thing we need is the hard work combined with relentless efforts. If we rely only on our talents the success will be limited to a certain extent. Furthermore, if we work harder with persistence the luck will favour us automatically, and will serve its purposes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
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think
that, to achieve great things in sports we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
.
However
, a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it takes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and training
Did you mean "becoming"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'train' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to become
successful. In my opinion, it is all about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efforts
, that
really
matters in accomplishing our goals.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, all the great persons who have made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remarkable achievements in their careers, are not the one's born with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
.
In addition
to that, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
inheritance played a major role in determining success, there would have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less eminent sports personalities in the world.
For example
, MS. Dhoti a renowned cricket player
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
his career as a soccer player.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, later through his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, he became a prominent personality in cricket.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing that matters is, the strenuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efforts
and persistence.

Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
combined with great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efforts
, always leads us in a way of achieving greater heights.
Moreover
, to attain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
things in respective fields, a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
is
also
essential.
For instance
, the player with inherent abilities, always has the upper hand in reaching the targets.
Hence
, the special privileges play,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of its supporting roles in the required time frame.

Lastly
, to reach our ambitions, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing we need is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
combined with relentless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efforts
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
we rely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
the success will
be limited
to a certain extent.
Furthermore
, if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder with persistence the luck will
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
us
automatically
, and will serve its purposes.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that to be successful at a sport you need a natural ability and others think that hard work and practice can make you successful.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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