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Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishm v.12

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishm v. 12
Some would argue that parents should overprotect their children, while others claim that children can make decisions on their own. While some parents spend whole their time to grew up their children, I believe that it is better to present them more freedom. On the one hand, many parents can feel fear about the improper upbringing of their children. Therefore, they spend all their spare time or even quit a job to care about their children properly. In addition, parents usually set some rules and goals for children to achieve some excellent success in study or sport. For example, many grand athletes and scientists have raised in such an environment that gave them feelings of safety and emotional security, so they spent their time doing their purposes. However, I am convinced that overprotective father and mother are not able to give children a strong character to deal with the real challenges of the world. On the other hand, it is thought that some households try to prepare children to deal with the world on their own. In other words, if children are more independent in their choices and decisions, they will be able to interact with surrounding people efficiently. Moreover, children often say that their childhoods were fulfilling because they were able to do everything that they want. It is true that many successful persons built leadership natures in their formative years. I believe that this way of the nurture is preferable because it allows children to grow up as they want according to their preferences. In conclusion, although proper bring ups of children often leads to achievements in education and sport, parents should give their children more freedom due to only one reason which is happiness of carelessness that they only can feel in their childhood.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should overprotect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, while others claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend whole their time to grew up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I believe that it is better to present them more freedom.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can feel fear about the improper upbringing of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, they spend all their spare time or even quit a job to care about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
properly
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
usually
set
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and goals for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
excellent success in study or sport.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
grand athletes and scientists have raised in such an environment that gave them feelings of safety and emotional security,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they spent their time doing their purposes.
However
, I
am convinced
that overprotective father and mother are not able to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a strong character to deal with the real challenges of the world.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
households try to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to deal with the world on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
In other words
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more independent in their choices and decisions, they will be able to interact with surrounding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
efficiently
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
say that their childhoods were fulfilling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were able to do everything that they want. It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
successful persons built leadership natures in their formative years. I believe that this way of the nurture is preferable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow up as they want according to their preferences.

In conclusion
, although proper bring ups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to achievements in education and sport,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more freedom due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one reason which is happiness of carelessness that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can feel in their childhood.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishm v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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