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Some people believe that there is no harm in allowing their children to watch TV programs and movies that contain a lot of violence. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

Some people believe that there is no harm in allowing their children to watch TV programs and movies that contain a lot of violence. w7Q3e
In the past, children had no opportunity to watch TV, but nowadays a large number of children spend hours and hours watching a diverse range of programs that contain a lot of violence. Some believe that there is no risk when children watch it. In my opinion, I tend to disagree with that idea. On the one hand, watching TV has many benefits for children. First, children can enjoy entertainment when watching TV. It helps children reduce stress after long hours of work or exhausting days. They can tune in to music, watch videos, or prefer shows. Second, children can learn anything on TV. They can learn the history of the world and ancient civilization through history channels or national geographic information. TV provided free knowledge for children. On the other hand, watching TV has many drawbacks if children use it too much. It has many potential health drawbacks. They can sit down on the couch or lie in the bedroom to watch TV and don't want to do anything. If they have an inactive lifestyle for a long time, they will become ' couch potatoes. Second, when children spend hours and hours doing it, they will neglect their work and study. According to Thanh Niên magazine, almost all children who spend too much time on TV will have fewer social skills and have fewer friends. Finally, watching TV programs and movies that contain violence will influence the behavior, emotion of children. They can imitate the behavior of characters because it is very realistic, frequently repeated, or unpunished. In short, although TV helps children reduce stress, the problems it causes are undeniable. Therefore I found myself in favor of the letter view that children should not be allowed to watch violent programs on TV.
In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
had no opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
watching a diverse range of programs that contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
violence.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that there is no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it. In my opinion, I tend to disagree with that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

On the one hand, watching TV has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can enjoy entertainment when watching TV. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
after long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of work or exhausting days. They can tune in to music,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
videos, or prefer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn anything on TV. They can learn the history of the world and ancient civilization through history channels or national geographic information. TV provided free knowledge for children.

On the other hand
, watching TV has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it too much. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
potential health drawbacks. They can sit down on the couch or lie in the bedroom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV and don't want to do anything. If they have an inactive lifestyle for a long time, they will become
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
couch potatoes. Second, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
doing it, they will neglect their work and study. According to Thanh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Niên
magazine, almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who spend too much time on TV will have fewer social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and have fewer friends.
Finally
, watching TV programs and movies that contain violence will influence the behavior, emotion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They can imitate the behavior of characters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
realistic,
frequently
repeated, or unpunished.

In short, although TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, the problems it causes are undeniable.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I found myself in favor of the letter view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
violent programs on TV.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that there is no harm in allowing their children to watch TV programs and movies that contain a lot of violence.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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