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Families are getting smaller. Is it a positive or negative development?

Families are getting smaller. Is it a positive or negative development? mXoPr
It is observed that families are getting smaller and smaller as they progress from one generation to the other. This essay agrees with the notion that this has a negative impact on a particular individual and along with it, the society as a whole because of diminished emotional support and financial support in times of distress. Having a large family implies strong emotional and mental support. Individuals who belong to large families have loving and caring people around them, whom they can confide in. However tough life may get, they know that the members of their family have got their backs. Contrastingly, members who belong to small or nuclear families or even orphans feel isolated and left out whenever faced with a difficulty in life, which may force them to take drastic measures. For instance, a survey by Johns Hopkins university showed that 77 percent of people who resorted to suicide, either belonged to nuclear families or were orphans. Belonging to a large family also has its financial and economic benefits. Whenever the financial situation of one person of the family worsens, the other members provide for them and help them become economically stable and self-sustainable. Moreover, the presence of the elderly and experienced in a family means better decision making and hence better chances to avoid rash and unreasonable choices. On the other hand, people belonging to smaller families may not have someone looking out for them in times of financial distress. Consequently, they resort to taking debts thus, falling into the perpetual cycle of loans and interests. In conclusion, diminishing family sizes lead to mental and economic depression as the members of these families have no one to rely on during difficult times.
It
is observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are getting smaller and smaller as they progress from one generation to the other. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the notion that this has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on a particular individual and along with it, the society as a whole
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of diminished emotional support and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support in times of distress.

Having a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
implies strong emotional and mental support. Individuals who belong to large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have loving and caring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them, whom they can confide in.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
tough life may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
, they know that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
their backs.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Contrastingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
who belong to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
or nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
or even orphans feel isolated and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out whenever faced with a difficulty in life, which may force them to take drastic measures.
For instance
, a survey by
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Johns Hopkins university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 77 percent of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who resorted to suicide, either belonged to nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
or were orphans.

Belonging to a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
also
has its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
and economic benefits. Whenever the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
situation of one person of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
worsens, the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
provide for them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them become
economically
stable and self-sustainable.
Moreover
, the presence of the elderly and experienced in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
means better
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
and
hence
better chances to avoid rash and unreasonable choices.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
belonging to smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
may not have someone looking out for them in times of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
distress.
Consequently
, they resort to taking debts
thus
, falling into the perpetual cycle of loans and interests.

In conclusion
, diminishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
sizes lead to mental and economic depression as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have no one to rely on during difficult times.
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IELTS essay Families are getting smaller. Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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