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some people believe that there are many reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree

some people believe that there are many reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason. xqd9
A person is motivated to work for one corporation by different reasons. It is argued that the primary one is salary. This essay totally agrees with this statement because when one person has high salary, he or she has power in the company and high living standard. A person with high payment is the one who plays an important role in his or her company. Managers and supervisors who usually have more payment than others are one of the most powerful people in the company. Whenever they have power, they do not want to leave their positions because they are worry that they may not get the same one in another company. For example, a survey which conducted in 10 construction companies in Toronto showed that although 50% of workers left the company in 2017, only 5% of managers moved to other companies. Another main reason is that high salary can afford better living standard. Every people are working to earn money for their lives. When someone has high income, that person will live in a higher standard of life that he or she does not want to step down a lower one. Therefore, that person has more passion to keep his or her position in the company. For instance, I moved from a small room in town to a condo in city when my husband got my offer as a supervisor in his company. Because we do not want to move back that room, he has been working with all of his passion every day to stay in the same company with the same position. In conclusion, the main reason of staying in the same company is money because high income means higher living standard and higher power in a corporation.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is motivated
to work for one corporation by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons. It
is argued
that the primary one is salary. This essay
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary, he or she has power in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
living standard.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
payment is the one who plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Managers and supervisors who
usually
have more payment than others are one of the most powerful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Whenever they have power, they do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their positions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
Did you mean "worried"?
worry
that they may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same one in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
For example
, a survey which conducted in 10 construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in Toronto
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that although 50% of workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in 2017,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% of managers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

Another main reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary can afford better living standard.
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular. Did you mean "all"?
Every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are working to earn money for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. When someone has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
income, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a higher standard of life that he or she does not want to step down a lower one.
Therefore
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has more passion to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
position in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
For instance
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
room in town to a condo in city when my husband
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
my offer as a supervisor in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
we do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
back that room, he has been working with all of his passion every day to stay in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
with the same position.

In conclusion
, the main reason of staying in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
income means higher living standard and higher power in a corporation.
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IELTS essay some people believe that there are many reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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