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some people believe that there are many reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree

some people believe that there are many reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason. oP7K
In the world have different opinions related to work place. According to many people view it would be better employ such places where employers offer good salary. From my point of view, I partly agree with this statement, but, I also believe that work place should attractive area for stuffs. In this essay I will try to explain both pros and cross sides which related to above opinions. On the one hand, in this day and age people become more materilasitic they try estimate many things with money. In fact, people who working for high salary in some where are considered more happy. Because, they can solve some problems which stay as an obstacle in front of them. That is why many people argue that money most important than other reasons to keep employees the same company.
In the world have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions related to work place. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
view it would be better employ such places where employers offer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary. From my point of view, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, I
also
believe that work place should attractive area for stuffs. In this essay I will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both pros and cross sides which related to above opinions.

On the one hand, in this day and age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more
Possible spelling mistake found.
materilasitic
they try estimate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things with money. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who working for high salary in
Did you mean "somewhere"?
some where
are considered
more happy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, they can solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems which stay as an obstacle in front of them.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that money most
Use "(important)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
important
than other reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
employees the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

IELTS essay some people believe that there are many reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
137 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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