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Some people believe that the young should follow the traditional customs of their culture. Others think that they have the freedom to act and behave however they see fit. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that the young should follow the traditional customs of their culture. Others think that they have the freedom to act and behave however they see fit. ndp9K
It has been a debated issue whether youngsters should continue to uphold the traditional norms or have freedom to live how they want. From my perspective, I am balanced with these ideas as both side have its merits The opinion that the young should follow the traditions and customs stands to reason. Initially, it is advantageous to follow the traditional customs as they educate the young to have appropriate manners and morals. These customs create a framework which guides behaviors, thoughts and decisions in life. For instance, the value of bowing to seniors shows that people are well-educated because of their respect for others and their culture as well. Moreover, social norms ensure the cohesion of a society and bring a sense of unity and order. Without the moral guidance and standards of traditional values, chaos will arise in society due to a variety of conflicts or, morally-depraved behaviours. Finally, the young have the responsibility to uphold and preserve traditional customs as these are the essence accumulated for thousands of years by their ancestors and previous generations. Therefore, youngsters should show respect to culture and ancestors to avoid the loss of cultural erosion. However, there is a contrasting point of view that individuals should have rights to do what they want. First of all, the old traditions of cultures sometimes might restrict the growth of the young people due to their backward-thinking ways. Therefore, they can not make use of their youth and energy to flourish their own new generations. The women’s role is an example to explain why sometimes the old traditions limit the young. Instead of being financially dependent and gaining a sense of achievement, they are expected to fulfill the household chores and have no voice in the family since the majority of traditional norms consider men to be superior. Second, some customs that are depraved should be removed because they are not suitable with the values of modern society in the context of integration and globalization and the 4. 0 era. This modern society tends to encourage more platforms for youngsters to present more radical ideas and create progressive practices thanks to their forward-thinking ways. Both sides examined, I find it hard to completely agree or disagree with either of them. In my opinion, the young should be selective in choosing both the traditional customs and progressive ideologies that they want to live by.
It has been a debated issue whether youngsters should continue to uphold the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
norms or have freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
how they want. From my perspective, I
am balanced
with these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
as both side have its
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
merits


The opinion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
should follow the traditions and customs stands to reason.
Initially
, it is advantageous to follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
customs as they educate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to have appropriate manners and morals. These customs create a framework which guides behaviors, thoughts and decisions in life.
For instance
, the value of bowing to seniors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are well-educated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their respect for others and their culture
as well
.
Moreover
, social norms ensure the cohesion of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and bring a sense of unity and order. Without the moral guidance and standards of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values, chaos will arise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
due to a variety of conflicts or,
morally
-depraved
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
have the responsibility to uphold and preserve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
customs as these are the essence accumulated for thousands of years by their ancestors and previous generations.
Therefore
, youngsters should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
respect to culture and ancestors to avoid the loss of cultural erosion.

However
, there is a contrasting point of view that individuals should have rights to do what they want.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
traditions of cultures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
might restrict the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
due to their backward-thinking ways.
Therefore
, they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their youth and energy to flourish their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
new generations. The women’s role is an example to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
traditions limit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
.
Instead
of being
financially
dependent and gaining a sense of achievement, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to fulfill the household chores and have no voice in the family since the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
norms consider
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
to be superior. Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
customs that
are depraved
should
be removed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not suitable with the values of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in the context of integration and globalization and the 4. 0
Possible agreement error. The noun 'era' seems to be countable, so consider using: "eras".
era
. This modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
tends to encourage more platforms for youngsters to present more radical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and create progressive practices thanks to their forward-thinking ways.

Both sides examined, I find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree with either of them. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
should be selective in choosing both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
customs and progressive ideologies that they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
by.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that the young should follow the traditional customs of their culture. Others think that they have the freedom to act and behave however they see fit.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
398 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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