Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that the whole family bringing up children is better than only parents. What is your opinion?

Some people believe that the whole family bringing up children is better than only parents. What is your opinion? m1RYq
It is believed by the segment of the masses that children who are brought up in joint families are better than the one in the nuclear families. In the joint family culture, children get the warmth and affection of their grandparents and along with that, there is always someone to give attention to them. However, in an elementary family setup, the children are deprived of the grandparent’s love also, they feel lonely at times and the habit of sharing is also not inculcated in them. Hence, I agree with the given stance that children should be brought up in the combined family. To begin with, nowadays, to provide children with a good life, both the parents are working so, children who are born in a family that is full of different relations are lucky, as they have ample people to look after them. For instance, even if the parents are not around, that will not bother the children because they are always surrounded by different people. Furthermore, the close-knit family will love them as their own. So, children brought up in a family full of different relations will turn out to be loving, caring and content throughout. Conversely, if a child is born in a family that consists of only parents, will eventually feel deprived and depressed when he will see other children enjoying with their grandparents. Hence, he will feel lonely when the parents are at work. For example, during the novel corona virus pandemic, everyone is confined to their homes, parents are working from home and juveniles usually surf the internet or watch cartoons, after some time they get bored, irritated and feel upset. In my opinion, children should be brought up in a family full of different relations, as children will learn how to adjust in every situation and bear the mood swings of other people. That will be beneficial for them later in their life. Also, the habit of sharing will be developed in them. To conclude, children will lead a satisfied life, if they are raised in the hands of aunts, uncles and grandparents. They will be full of life and turn out to be happy human beings. On the other hand, if they will be brought up by the parents only, they will feel alone later on in life.
It
is believed
by the segment of the masses that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brought
up in joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are better than the one in the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. In the joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
culture,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the warmth and affection of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
and along with that, there is always someone to give attention to them.
However
, in an elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
setup, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are deprived
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparent’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
also
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
lonely at times and the habit of sharing is
also
not inculcated in them.
Hence
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
stance that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brought
up in the combined family.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays, to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are born
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
relations are lucky, as they have ample
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to look after them.
For instance
, even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not around, that will not bother the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are always surrounded by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Furthermore
, the close-knit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
them as their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brought
up in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
relations will turn out to
The verb 'loving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
be loving
, caring and content throughout.

Conversely
, if a child
is born
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
that consists of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, will
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
deprived and depressed when he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoying with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
.
Hence
, he will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
lonely when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are at work.
For example
, during the novel
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
pandemic, everyone
is confined
to their homes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working from home and juveniles
usually
surf the internet or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
cartoons, after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored, irritated and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
upset.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brought
up in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
relations, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn how to adjust in every situation and bear the mood swings of other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. That will be beneficial for them later in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Also
, the habit of sharing will
be developed
in them.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will lead a satisfied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, if they
are raised
in the hands of aunts, uncles and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
. They will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and turn out to be happy human beings.
On the other hand
, if they will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brought
up by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
alone later on in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people believe that the whole family bringing up children is better than only parents. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
385 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts