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some people believe that the most important responsibility of primary education is to detect the talents of children, rather than teach them the same materials regardless of their own interests and talents.

some people believe that the most important responsibility of primary education is to detect the talents of children, rather than teach them the same materials regardless of their own interests and talents. AwXRM
In nowadays societies, receiving education is regarded as one of the most important issues most parents are confronting. Although many people believe that primary school should focus on intrinsic children's talent regardless of their interests and talents, I totally disagree with this point of view. First and foremost, initial education and primary school are of importance place which help children to acquire skills and education. It is obviously true that each person has a specific intellectual skill which comes from heritage, but we should be awared every single skill and ability needs to improve and extend through growing. Beside this, it is by far the most important responsibilities of primary school to diagnose more ability and improve them not just to limit themselves with one's own ability. By way of illustration, consider a ten-year-old boy that he has professional skill in mathematics and science. Disregarding his abilities in other aspects such as arts and sport activities may pose a serious threaten in his future life. It means that, in one side arts can help children to create more links in their brain. In the other side sport activities help children to learn teamwork. Consequently, lack of these skills may inflict damage to creativity and problem-solving. On the other hand, children's psychologist believed that talent and genius is regarded as the most valuable gifts that god has contributed to humans but it is not defined as being neglected from their own interests and hobbies. In the course of time, experience shows that one may have specific talent in special skill but achieve success in different way due to their motivation and interest. Thus, interesting play a key role in human life which is naturally followed by success over the period of time. To sum up, children's talent should be considered as the valuable matter but the more valuable ones should be considered as the interests which are highly recommended to recognize, improve and extend
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
In nowadays
societies, receiving education
is regarded
as one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues most parents are confronting. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that primary school should focus on intrinsic children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
regardless of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
, I
totally
disagree with this point of view.

First
and foremost, initial education and primary school are of importance place which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children to acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and education. It is
obviously
true that each person has a specific intellectual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from heritage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should be
Possible spelling mistake found.
awared
every single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and extend through growing. Beside this, it is by far the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
responsibilities of primary school to diagnose more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
them not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to limit themselves with one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
. By way of illustration, consider a ten-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
boy that he has professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in mathematics and science. Disregarding his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
in other aspects such as arts and sport activities may pose a serious threaten in his future life. It means that, in one side arts can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children to create more links in their brain. In the other side sport activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children to learn teamwork.
Consequently
, lack of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
may inflict damage to creativity and problem-solving.

On the other hand
, children's psychologist believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
and genius
is regarded
as the most valuable gifts that god has contributed to humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not defined as
being neglected
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
and hobbies. In the course of time, experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that one may have specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
in special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
achieve success in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way due to their motivation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
.
Thus
, interesting play a key role in human life which is
naturally
followed by success over the period of time.

To sum up, children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
should
be considered
as the valuable matter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the more valuable ones should
be considered
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
which are
highly
The verb 'recommended' is used with the gerund form: "recommended recognizing".
recommended to recognize
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and extend
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IELTS essay some people believe that the most important responsibility of primary education is to detect the talents of children, rather than teach them the same materials regardless of their own interests and talents.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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