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Some people believe that the government should continuously support the development of arts. Others believe that the money can be well spent on scientific research. Discuss both and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that the government should continuously support the development of arts. Others believe that the money can be well spent on scientific research. AjJ9X
Arts and sciences both contribute significantly to a country’s prosperity in the modern world, but which one is worth more funds still remains controversial. While some people believe that the government should spend continuously on arts, I would argue that the government’s budget should be planned more carefully and in some cases, scientific research definitely needs more money. Some people think that arts should be funded in a continuous way because this can enrich people’s cultural life and possibly they can have better moods every day. If the spending on the film industry increases, film-makers will be able to produce films of higher quality to entertain the viewers, and after watching an entertaining film, these people will definitely be happier. In addition, some musical instruments can also be installed in public places with sufficient budget, and people who want to play them can feel free to do that. Both the players and the listeners will benefit from this. On the other hand, scientific research is also indispensable as with higher technology, people can have a better quality of life, especially in some deprived countries. The investment in genetic engineering can increase the yields in agriculture by inventing new hybrid crops, and people naturally will not suffer from hunger any more. Finally, the research in the areas of communications technology such as the Internet can reshape people’s lives, as they will be able to get richer resources faster and many new technologies will also appear as a result of it. In my view, the government’s expenditure on arts is not likely to improve people’s living standards significantly and for countries whose citizens are still struggle with a basic standard of living, the investment in scientific research should be considered first, as this is more practical and can solve some urgent problems about people’s daily life domestically.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
and sciences both contribute
significantly
to a country’s prosperity in the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
which one is worth more funds
still
remains controversial. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend
continuously
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, I would argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s budget should
be planned
more
carefully
and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
definitely needs more money.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should
be funded
Consider replacing "in a continuous way" with the adverb for "continuous"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a continuous way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can enrich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
cultural life and
possibly
they can have better moods every day. If the spending on the film industry increases, film-makers will be able to produce films of higher quality to entertain the viewers, and after watching an entertaining film, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will definitely be happier.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
musical instruments can
also
be installed
in public places with sufficient budget, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to play them can feel free to do that. Both the players and the listeners will benefit from this.

On the other hand
, scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
is
also
indispensable as with higher technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have a better quality of life,
especially
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
deprived countries. The investment in genetic engineering can increase the yields in agriculture by inventing new hybrid crops, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
naturally
will not suffer from hunger
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
in the areas of communications technology such as the Internet can reshape
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, as they will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
richer resources faster and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new technologies will
also
appear
as a result
of it.

In my view, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s expenditure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is not likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
living standards
significantly
and for countries whose citizens are
still
struggle with a basic standard of living, the investment in scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
should
be considered
first
, as this is more practical and can solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
urgent problems about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
daily life
domestically
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that the government should continuously support the development of arts. Others believe that the money can be well spent on scientific research.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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