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Some people believe that the experiences children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future life. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence.

Majority people consider that skills gained in the preschool period by children will have considerable consequence in future. However, some people think that knowledge obtained as a teenager has a greater impact than in childhood. Both sides have rights to exist and considered as equally fair, but I believe that experience gained at a teenage age has a significant impact than in the childhood period. In preschool-age children are being carried by family members, which means they can not take actions without parental control. When a child does something wrong, the parent will guide how to do it the right way. That means a person is not able to learn from mistakes made in childhood and could forget all faults because parents taught to do everything from the beginning. Furthermore, when a person as a teenager will face problems, it is extremely likely that parents will be asked to help. However, parents might not be able to help every time and the issues should be solved without any assist. At the teenage age, children are likely to get experience by making mistakes and learn from them. For example, when they get a low score on exams or being bullied teenagers are not likely to share with the problems they faced. As a consequence, children are likely to leave everything as it is or in some cases become stronger and pass the challenges they faced with. As soon as issues are solved without any assistance at teenage age, in the future other problems should not be as difficult as before. To sum up, parents help their children before going to school, which means their decisions are based mostly on the parents' opinion and can not help a child to become responsible. Whereas, it is more beneficial when at teenage age people are forced to decide between different choices by themselves to advance.
Majority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
gained in the preschool period by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have considerable consequence in future.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that knowledge obtained as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
has a greater impact than in childhood. Both sides have rights to exist and considered as
equally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that experience gained at a teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
has a significant impact than in the childhood period.

In preschool-age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
being carried
by family members, which means they can not take actions without parental control. When a child does something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
will guide how to do it the right way. That means a person is not able to learn from mistakes made in childhood and could forget all faults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
taught to do everything from the beginning.
Furthermore
, when a person as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
will face problems, it is
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likely
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
be asked
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
might not be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
every time and the issues should
be solved
without any assist.

At the teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likely
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
experience by making mistakes and learn from them.
For example
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a low score on exams or
being bullied
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likely
to share with the problems they faced. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likely
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
everything as it is or in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases become stronger and pass the challenges they faced with. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as issues
are solved
without any assistance at teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, in the future other problems should not be as difficult as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to school, which means their decisions
are based
mostly
on the parents' opinion and can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
a child to become responsible. Whereas, it is more beneficial when at teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are forced
to decide between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
choices by themselves to advance.

IELTS essay Some people believe that the experiences children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future life. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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