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Some people believe that the best way to improve the general well-being of schoolchildren is to make physical education compulsory in all schools.

Some people believe that the best way to improve the general well-being of schoolchildren is to make physical education compulsory in all schools. BJ7K9
While some people do think that gym classes are necessary for children to improve their happiness, others see them as not so necessary. This essay will discuss the both aspects of that. To begin with the positive aspects of having P. E. classes, first of all, exercise is always needed in order to have both physical and mental health. People, including children and adults, usually should walk for longer than about one hour every day. If schools have a compulsory gym classes, children do not have to spend extra hours for exercising. Also, playing sports can help people to improve their team-building abilities. The fact that children need other members to play team sports can be an important reason that schools should have team sports practice in the class. Turning to the negative aspect of having gym classes, I mentioned earlier that exercise is needed for children, but they can just move their bodies outside their classes. In addition, obviously there are many people who do not like or are not good at playing team sports, so this can be one of the factors for children not to want to go to school anymore. In conclusion, there are, of course, pros and cons of having a physical education classes at school. In my view, it is not necessary to have those classes at school. I believe that children should have rights to make their own decisions, and I want the society to know that there are a lot of people that are unhappy and stressed when they have to play sports. However, I think arts, including sports, music, and painting, are closely related to our happiness. Therefore, in the future, I hope children can decide what type of art class he or she will take in their school life.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that gym
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classes
are necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their happiness, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them as not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
necessary. This essay will discuss the both aspects of that.

To
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begin
with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of having P. E.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, exercise is always needed in order to have both physical and mental health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and adults,
usually
should walk for longer than about one hour every day. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have a compulsory gym
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend extra hours for exercising.
Also
, playing
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sports
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their team-building abilities. The fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need other members to play team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can be an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason that
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schools
should have team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
practice in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

Turning to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect of having gym
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classes
, I mentioned earlier that exercise
is needed
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their bodies outside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
In addition
,
obviously
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not like or are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at playing team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this can be one of the factors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not to want to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
anymore.

In conclusion
, there are,
of course
, pros and cons of having a physical education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my view, it is not necessary to have those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have rights to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions, and I want the society to know that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are unhappy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
arts, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, music, and painting, are
closely
related to our happiness.
Therefore
, in the future, I hope
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can decide what type of art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
he or she will take in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
life.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that the best way to improve the general well-being of schoolchildren is to make physical education compulsory in all schools.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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