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some people believe that the aim of school is to turn people into good citizens and workers rather than to benefit individuals

some people believe that the aim of school is to turn people into good citizens and workers rather than to benefit individuals x2xLg
Increasing number of people realize that the aim of school is changing individuals into good citizens and workers rather than focusing on their own benefits. In this essay, I will discuss why I do not disagree with this statement. First of all, education plays a vital role in the development of person’s personality. It teaches not only academic knowledge but also how to live in society. For example, in school, students need to deal with friends from different backgrounds, thus improving communications. Furthermore, making groups among students for some projects promote sociability and teamwork. Secondly, it is undeniable that nowadays it is becoming more competitive in every fields, resulting in an increase in the demand for hardworking of students. This will also allow the students to learn how to handle the pressure they can meet in their upcoming life. In addition, by providing education, students will be able to decide between good and bad things and improve self-confidence. Nevertheless, the belief of some people i. e. , the main objective of school is turning people into good citizens and workers, is also true. Because in most countries, governments spend a large amount of money on public education every year to produce qualified citizens who are the key for stable society and country’s development. This also produce educated people who are able to make a living after graduation at anywhere they live. In conclusion, I disagree with the statement because people can have more benefits of education, such as improving communications, pressure handling and promoting self-confidence, than just being good citizens and workers.
Increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realize that the aim of school is changing individuals into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
and workers
rather
than focusing on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits. In this essay, I will discuss why I do not disagree with this statement.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays a vital role in the development of person’s personality. It teaches not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
academic knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in society.
For example
, in school,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to deal with friends from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds,
thus
improving communications.
Furthermore
, making groups among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
projects promote sociability and teamwork.
Secondly
, it is undeniable that nowadays it is becoming more competitive in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "field"?
fields
, resulting in an increase in the demand for hardworking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn how to handle the pressure they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
in their upcoming life.
In addition
, by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be able to decide between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
self-confidence.

Nevertheless
, the belief of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
the main objective of school is turning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
and workers, is
also
true.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
in most countries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
spend a large amount of money on public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
every year to produce qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
who are the key for stable society and country’s development. This
also
produce educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living after graduation at anywhere they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

In conclusion
, I disagree with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have more benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, such as improving communications, pressure handling and promoting self-confidence, than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
and workers.
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IELTS essay some people believe that the aim of school is to turn people into good citizens and workers rather than to benefit individuals

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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