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Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. nGjR
Doing community works is a grateful thing. A group of people thinks that teenagers and the community get benefit if teenagers spend their leisure time on doing community work for free. To an extent i agree that teenagers must both teenagers and community can take advantage from this. One of the reasons why I think that teenagers get a benefit is because they become more social. Nowadays, when children getting older their social relationships also came bigger. Doing community work teaches them to understand the feelings and emotions of others not only that they begin to treat everyone as equal. For example, when a student who does community work see a person who beg for food, he/she gave food to him. Bear he understood the hunger of the beggar. Another reason that the community can benefit from the teenagers is when the children do community works for free the respective community can save cash for another purpose like for giving nice food to poor people or provide a better treatment for poor patients. However these effects are for good intention, it is not appropriate when thinking from side of students. By doing community work for free they loss their time to study and also if community spend profit unfairly it becomes a negative impact. To recapitulate, community works are to be done with a good heart. Teenagers spend their extra time on doing community works for sake of community and them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
works is a grateful thing. A group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
spend their leisure time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for free. To an extent
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
can take advantage from this.

One of the reasons why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a benefit is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they become more social. Nowadays, when children getting older their social relationships
also
came bigger.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
teaches them to understand the feelings and emotions of others not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to treat everyone as equal.
For example
, when a student who does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a person who beg for food, he/she gave food to him. Bear he understood the hunger of the beggar.

Another reason that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
can benefit from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
is when the children do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
works for free the respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
can save cash for another purpose like for giving nice food to poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or provide a better treatment for poor patients.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
these effects are for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
intention, it is not appropriate when thinking from side of students. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for free they
Did you mean "lost" (past tense of the verb 'lose')?
loss
their time to study and
also
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
spend profit
unfairly
it becomes a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
works are to
be done
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
heart.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
spend their extra time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
works for sake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and them.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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