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Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time .This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. MVkL
Nowadays, it is obvious that a number of young people are working in many factories and helping senior citizens to carry heavy objects during their free time, however, some people believe that they should not be paid for their job because of their age and I do not agree that all teenagers to do unpaid work. It is clear that all children and young people’s character and ability is not the same. For example: some of them may be good at studying and at school while others may be more interested in earning money and doing jobs. Therefore, if a teenager do not want to study in the universities or schools and instead of studying he or she plans to be employed, school governments and parents should not punish their offspring and insist them to continue their study. As even if they carry on their education, they will not be focused on it and also they just attend school lessons for wasting time and for entertainment. That is why their should be allowed to work. But in fact most of the factory owners do not usually pay them for their work and sometimes they give a small amount of money for transportation while coming from home to work places. Yet, it is definitely unfair if young men do not receive salary after overcoming difficulties above. Further to above, there are also a lot of residents who have some economic issues. Thus, they are not able to pay for the contract for universities of their children. In addition, there is another problem which says that there are also teenagers whose father passed away or disabled. Consequently, they have to earn money for food, cloth or bills, more precisely for living. So it is obligatory to pay young human for their job, especially to teenagers who do not have parents or whose parents are disabled. To sum up, from my perspective it is vital to pay teenagers for the work they are doing. Since they may have some serious reasons.
Nowadays, it is obvious that a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are working in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factories and helping senior citizens to carry heavy objects during their free time,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that they should not
be paid
for their job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their age and I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to do unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that all children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s character and ability is not the same.
For example
:
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at studying and at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
while others may be more interested in earning money and doing jobs.
Therefore
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
do not want to study in the universities or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
instead
of studying he or she plans to
be employed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and parents should not punish their offspring and insist them to continue their study. As even if they carry on their education, they will not
be focused
on it and
also
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
lessons for wasting time and for entertainment.
That is
why
Did you mean "there"?
their
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in fact most of the factory owners do not
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
them for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they give a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of money for transportation while coming from home to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
places.
Yet
, it is definitely unfair if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
do not receive salary after overcoming difficulties above.
Further
to above, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
residents who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
economic issues.
Thus
, they are not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for the contract for universities of their children.
In addition
, there is another problem which says that there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
whose father passed away or disabled.
Consequently
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
earn money for food, cloth or bills, more
precisely
for living.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is obligatory to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
human for their job,
especially
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
who do not have parents or whose parents
are disabled
. To sum up, from my perspective it is vital to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they are doing.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
they may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious reasons.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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