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Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. 8ONV
Some individuals wonder that adolescents should do work without remuneration in a community in their leisure time. So, this may uphold and provide merits to them as well as the community. However, This might assist them or else be detrimental to them. I will discuss my views in the subsequent paragraphs. First and foremost, after certain age teenagers have a burden on their shoulders. For instance, after 18 years, in overseas countries, they become independent and have to leave alone, pay rent, continue their studies as well as a job at the same time. Consequently, unpaid work not going to help them until and unless they have to work in which they could attain pay. On the other hand, apart from the capital in the community, any juveniles who want to carry their work without getting paid could easily socialize with others and this will be very helpful in the future. Therefore, without pay, this will only benefit the community but not for the teenagers. So, all the adolescents will be lacking off in their livelihood and run out will the necessities. To sum up, as per my perspective, ‘who will do work without pay, who desired wealth to run their existence? Consequently, they need to get money to relieve their stress with the help of money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals wonder that adolescents should do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without remuneration in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
in their leisure time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this may uphold and provide merits to them
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
However
, This might assist them or else be detrimental to them. I will discuss my views in the subsequent paragraphs.

First
and foremost, after certain age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have a burden on their shoulders.
For instance
, after 18 years, in overseas countries, they become independent and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
alone, pay rent, continue their studies
as well
as a job at the same time.
Consequently
, unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
not going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them until and unless they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in which they could attain pay.

On the other hand
, apart from the capital in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, any juveniles who want to carry their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without getting paid could
easily
socialize with others and this will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful in the future.
Therefore
, without pay, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, all the adolescents will be lacking off in their livelihood and run out will the necessities.

To sum up, as per my perspective, ‘who will do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without pay, who desired wealth to run their existence?
Consequently
, they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money to relieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of money.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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