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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successfull career while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your oponion.

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successfull career while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Nr8P2
People have different view about whether it better way for young people to continue study at higher education such as university or college or to get a job after graduating school in order to achieve success earlier in their field. While there are some benefits to working early, I believe that getting knowledge and quallifications much more beneficial. On the one hand, start to work straight after school is attractive for several reasons. Firstly, university degree is not necessary for some service professions. In this case, some teenegers really want to begin earning money and it is beneficial not only for themselves but also it helps to financial budget of their family. For example, Mark Zuckerberg, who is one of the richest people in the world, dropped out of Harvard university to develop his new company after his sophemero year. Secondly, they gain huge experience during working process and it gives them practical knowledge and skills. Finally, they learn to live independently without any financial helping from their parents. On the other hand, I feel that there are many advantages for students to continue their studies. Universities or colleges equip young people with higher-level diplomas which is most employers requirement. For example, it is impossible to become a doctor, teacher or lawyer without academic background due to the fact that these professions demand high-level of knowledge. As a result, university graduates have more and more opportunities, and this ensure earn higher salary than those with fewer quallifications. In addition, job market is becomimg incresengly competitive and sometimes lots of applicants for one position in a company. For these reasons, people who have higher degree and enough knowledge could find jobs easily in their filds. In conclusion, although start to working early and continuing education beyond high school have own advantages, it seems to me that students are more likely to be a successfull in their careers if they have knowledge and relevant degree as well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
view about whether it better way for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to continue study at higher education such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or college or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job after
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduating from".
graduating
school in order to achieve success earlier in their field. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to working early, I believe that getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
quallifications
much more beneficial. On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to work straight after school is attractive for several reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree is not necessary for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
service professions.
In this case
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
teenegers
really
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
earning money and it is beneficial not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to financial budget of their family.
For example
, Mark Zuckerberg, who is one of the richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world, dropped out of Harvard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to develop his new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
after his
Possible spelling mistake found.
sophemero
year.
Secondly
, they gain huge experience during working process and it gives them practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Finally
, they learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
without any financial helping from their parents.
On the other hand
, I feel that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for students to continue their studies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
or colleges equip young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with higher-level diplomas which is most
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "employers'" or "employer's"?
employers
requirement.
For example
, it is impossible to become a doctor, teacher or lawyer without academic background due to the fact that these professions demand high-level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates have more and more opportunities, and
The verb 'ensure' is plural. Did you mean: "this ensures"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this ensure
earn higher salary than those with fewer
Possible spelling mistake found.
quallifications
.
In addition
, job market is
Possible spelling mistake found.
becomimg
Possible spelling mistake found.
incresengly
competitive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
lots of applicants for one position in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. For these reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have higher degree and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
could find jobs
easily
in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
filds
.
In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to working early and continuing education beyond high school have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages, it seems to me that students are more likely to be a
Possible spelling mistake found.
successfull
in their careers if they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and relevant degree as
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
well
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IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successfull career while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
324 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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