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Some people believe that studying at University or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school .

Some people believe that studying at University or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. pGBw
Majorities think that after finishing school, children should give priority to make money, while others believe to enable children to go on their education at further educations or Universities. In my view, it is important to get University or college qualifications. There are several positive aspects to working after school. Many juniors want to be engaged in any career after school. They may have a chance to become independent provided that young people harvest their own funding. Since, they might be capable of not asking money from their families and that might be profitable for them. Moreover, they can practice in live situations of workplace and this can lead to make progress. My Dad can be the best example. Since, my father started working for a big company from the age of 18 because of the poverty in his familiy. Thus, it could enable my father to practise in authentic life and to gain experience for his profession. As a result, he was able to get to the top because of his professional expertise. On the other hand, children should focus effort on their studies. Due to the deficiensy of their academic qualifications, they may not capable of having a well-paid job. Consequently, the increasing of unemployment rate might arise. Furthermore, most official organisations, companies and Enterprises always encourage the employment of University graduates rather than workers that are not good at special fields. Therefore, young adults should concentrate more to obtain additional qualifications. For instance, noone can treat someone for any disease without expertise as a doctor or nurse. In conclusion, although some believe that more important is working after finishing school, in my view, it is essential to obtain University or collage qualifications. Since, countries without experienced workforce cannot reach the fullfilment of thier goals.
Majorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that after finishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, children should give priority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money, while others believe to enable children to go on their education at
further
educations or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
. In my view, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
or college qualifications.

There are several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects to working after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
juniors want to
be engaged
in any career after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. They may have a chance to become independent provided that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
harvest their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
funding. Since, they might be capable of not asking money from their families and that might be profitable for them.
Moreover
, they can practice in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
situations of workplace and this can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progress. My Dad can be the best example. Since, my father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
from the age of 18
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the poverty in his
Possible spelling mistake found.
familiy
.
Thus
, it could enable my father to
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
in authentic life and to gain experience for his profession.
As a result
, he was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the top
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his professional expertise.

On the other hand
, children should focus effort on their studies. Due to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
deficiensy
of their academic qualifications, they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
may not capable
of having a well-paid job.
Consequently
, the increasing of unemployment rate might arise.
Furthermore
, most official
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and Enterprises always encourage the employment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
graduates
rather
than workers that are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at special fields.
Therefore
, young adults should concentrate more to obtain additional qualifications.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
noone
can treat someone for any disease without expertise as a doctor or nurse.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is working after finishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, in my view, it is essential to obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
or collage qualifications.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
, countries without experienced workforce cannot reach the
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullfilment
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
goals.

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at University or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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