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a 9:00 am start to the school day is better

a 9: 00 am start to the school day is better 8WAB
In view of the agonizing  situation, some people suggest that a 9: 00 am start to the school day will solve the problem.  However,  I have some reservations about this approach, as it does not take into account of the root of the problem. Obviously students will have an extra time for sleep,  which is idealistic but unrealistic. Because of the late start of school,  students will do homework or revision for quiz instead, as they attach disproportionate importance on academic performance rather than sleeping longer time for better well-being, physiologically, and mentally. Another possible condition is that students will spend the extra time on their favorite video games. Ultimately, the crux of the matter hinges on how students utilize their time, but not how much time they have.  Announcing the school late will exacerbate the problem, as students will return home later and start a vicious cycle. A better alternative is to reduce the amount of homework and persuade students to take adequate rest without burning the midnight oil. With a little restraint in adolescents,  time management skills should also be cultivated to ameliorate the habit of procrastination. In the sense that problem solving is not time dependent, starting at 9: 00 in the morning will not resolve the original problem, but instead will make the problem aggravate.
In view of the agonizing
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situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that a 9: 00 am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to the school day will solve the problem.  
However
,
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I have 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reservations about this approach, as it does not take into account of the root of the problem.

Obviously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will have an extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for sleep,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
which is idealistic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
 unrealistic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the late
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of school,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
students will do homework or revision for quiz
instead
, as they attach disproportionate importance on academic performance
rather
than sleeping longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for better well-being,
physiologically
, and mentally.

Another possible condition is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will spend the extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their favorite video games.
Ultimately
, the crux of the matter hinges on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
utilize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they have.  Announcing the school late will exacerbate the problem, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will return home later and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
 a vicious cycle.

A better alternative is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of homework and persuade students to take adequate rest without burning the midnight oil. With a 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
 restraint in adolescents,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
 time
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
should
also
be cultivated
to ameliorate the habit of procrastination.

In the sense that problem solving is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
dependent, starting at 9: 00 in the morning will not resolve the original problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
 
instead
 will 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
 the problem aggravate.

IELTS essay a 9: 00 am start to the school day is better

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
174 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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