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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. j28y
It is widely accepted that young people should get an additional education after finishing high school. However some people and youngsters themselves often argue that it would be better to start the career right after graduation from a school in order to save some years. In this essay both points of view will be discussed and benefits of additional education will be clearly showed. When youngsters graduate from a high school they tend to wish to become more independent as soon as possible. Moreover, some of adults, in the majority of cases who are without a degree, also support immediate starting of a career. For example, it is common for young people to overestimate their own abilities and therefore suppose that they might be successful in a job without any degree. Taking this in consideration some of young people refuse to go to colleges or universities in order to gain their early money and to increase their self-esteem. Even though there are a lot of examples of successful adults who did not attend tertiary education, for the majority of youngsters becoming a student is definitely give a boost for their lives rather than waste of some years. For instance, when attending a college or a university student acquire much more than only knowledge and skills. It is scientifically proven that students also develop their social skills and gain networks and that these benefits directly reflect in their success at workplaces. Moreover, an ability of studying new areas and academic thinking are also become a habit and significantly help these people after graduation. All the benefits of tertiary education mentioned above are definitely useful for young people. Even though, in some cases, young people can be successful without gaining a degree, graduation from a college or a university allow to acquire much more benefits. These benefits include professional knowledge, social skills and networking and they are crucial for the professional career. Therefore for most of youngster it would be better to enroll in a college or a university after finishing a high school.
It is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
after finishing high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and youngsters themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argue that it would be better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the career right after graduation from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in order to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years. In this essay both points of view will
be discussed
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
.

“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
youngsters graduate from a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
they tend to wish to become more independent as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
Moreover
,
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the adults") or simply say "some adults".
some of adults
, in the majority of cases who are without a degree,
also
support immediate starting of a career.
For example
, it is common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to overestimate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
abilities and
therefore
suppose that they might be successful in a job without any degree. Taking this in consideration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
refuse to go to colleges or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
in order to gain their early money and to increase their self-esteem.

Even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
examples of successful adults who did not attend tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, for the majority of youngsters becoming a student is definitely
Consider using a past participle here: "given".
give
a boost for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
rather
than waste of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years.
For instance
, when attending a college or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
student acquire much more than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. It is
scientifically
proven that students
also
develop their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and gain networks and that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
directly
reflect in their success at workplaces.
Moreover
, an ability of studying new areas and academic thinking are
also
become a habit and
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
after graduation. All the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
mentioned above are definitely useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Even though
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be successful without gaining a degree, graduation from a college or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to acquire much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
include professional knowledge, social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
networking and
they are crucial for the professional career.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
for most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster
it would be better to enroll in a college or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
after finishing a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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