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People aim to achieve a balance between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. what are the causes of this problem? how to overcome it?

People aim to achieve a balance between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. what are the causes of this problem? how to overcome it? kNxN
Humans have promoted a burning issue is that majority of people believing that individuals do not balance between their work and lifestyle, and some it can put negative impact on health and social life. The worldwide phenomenon has couple of causes along with relevant measures. To commence with, there are multifarious reasons why people do not balance between their work and life. First and foremost reason is that thesedays, people become a materialistic because they are busy in their work, due to this they do not have time to spend their time family and friends. The another reason is that individual are working in multinational companies, so they do a plethora of hard work to achieve their dreams as well as goals. Moreover, non-executive are pressurised by their company's boss, they not only set target for their employees but also given them with strict deadline; Thus, people do extra work to earn money for their better life. Empirical observation suggests that there are several measures could effectively tacklr this problem. Firstly, employees could enhance time-management skills to balance their personal and professional life, so this could be done by either making up an appropriate schedule of working and leisure time or Breaking Down work in Little Chunks. In other words, since happy and healthy employees are more productive, instead of increasing working hour, companies could arrange holidays family package along with recreational activity for them, by these packages, they spend quality time with their family and friends. In conclusion, although, the main reasons for the minority of people obtaining a work-life balance is the demand for the the production work- force, measures such as enhancing time management skill, jobs seeker to be aware of the work environment and importance of remaining stress free.
Humans have promoted a burning issue is that majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believing that individuals do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and lifestyle, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
it can put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on health and social life. The worldwide phenomenon has
It seems that an article is missing.
couple of
causes along with relevant measures.

To commence with, there are multifarious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and life.
First
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
Possible spelling mistake found.
thesedays
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become a materialistic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are busy in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, due to this they do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
family and friends. The another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that individual are working in multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to achieve their dreams
as well
as goals.
Moreover
, non-executive are
Possible spelling mistake. 'pressurised' is British English.
pressurised
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's boss, they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
set target for their employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
them with strict deadline;
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to earn money for their better life.

Empirical observation suggests that there are several measures could
effectively
Possible spelling mistake found.
tacklr
this problem.
Firstly
, employees could enhance time-management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
their personal and professional life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this could
be done
by either making up an appropriate schedule of working and leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or Breaking Down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Little
Chunks.
In other words
, since happy and healthy employees are more productive,
instead
of increasing working hour,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
could arrange holidays family package along with recreational activity for them, by these packages, they spend quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family and friends.

In conclusion
, although, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for the minority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
obtaining a work-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
is the demand for
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
production
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work-
force, measures such as enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, jobs seeker to be aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment and importance of remaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free.
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IELTS essay People aim to achieve a balance between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. what are the causes of this problem? how to overcome it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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