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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a school career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your option. v.1

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a school career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 1
Nowadays, it is argued which one is the right way to succeed, getting a job after the school or continuing the studies at a university or a college. I believe, that studying at a university is the best choice to have a successful career. However, starting a job after the end of school may be beneficial in a several ways. First of all, by acting in such a way young people have the chance to be independent and earning their own money. Furthermore, they can develop their skills within a workplace. Since, most of the employers are seeking for experienced employees, starting a job at such an early age is a good idea. For example, my best friend decided to get a job when he finished his school as a waiter and now he has been promoted as a supervisor. This will be a clear advantage to get experience for better positions in the future. On the other hand, studying at the university is very important not only for individuals but for the whole community. Without studying several of the jobs would die and definitely it's a negative impact in our society. For instance, it is impossible to work a doctor or a lawyer without having a relevant degree. Moreover, people who have a university or a college degree, they are usually paid off for their efforts. Jobs that require a university degree usually provide high incomes to individuals. For example, lawyers and doctors are considered to be the highest paid jobs. Therefore, educated people may have a successful career. To conclude, there are advantages in both sides. Since, universities and colleges are the wisest investment in the future productivity of our society, I think studying in colleges or universities is essential.
Nowadays, it
is argued
which one is the right way to succeed, getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after the school or continuing the studies at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or a college. I believe, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is the best choice to have a successful career.

However
, starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of school may be beneficial in a several
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "way"?
ways
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, by acting in such a way young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the chance to be independent and earning their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money.
Furthermore
, they can develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
within a workplace. Since, most of the employers are seeking for experienced employees, starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at such an early age is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
For example
, my best friend decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
when he finished his school as a waiter and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he has
been promoted
as a supervisor. This will be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
advantage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
experience for better positions in the future.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for the whole community. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
several of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
and definitely it's a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact in our society.
For instance
, it is impossible to work a doctor or a lawyer without having a relevant degree.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or a college degree, they are
usually
paid off for their efforts.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Jobs
that require a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree
usually
provide high incomes to individuals.
For example
, lawyers and doctors
are considered
to be the highest paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Therefore
, educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may have a successful career.

To conclude
, there are advantages in both sides. Since,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and colleges are the wisest investment in the future productivity of our society, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in colleges or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
is essential.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a school career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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